Parental Interaction 双亲互动 Fred described his father as a shy, reserved and secretive man. The father had very few friends or associates outside of his immediate business contacts and the family. In our contacts with him he was always pleasant and polite, reasonable and appropriate. But one could not avoid the impression of a certain guardedness—a shielding and protecting of himself that seemed to permeate all his relationships. We could almost describe the quality of this interaction with people as schizoid, except that it was subtle and in fact masked by a facade of easy sociability. Even in his warmest and most feelingful exchanges with Fred, there was this same quality of distance and guardedness that inserted itself. It became quite evident, in the interactions between father and son, the extent to which this posture of his father and the distance between them were sources of frustration for Fred that he was able to tolerate very poorly. 弗雷德形容他的父亲是一个害羞、内向、神秘的人。除了直接的商业伙伴和家人，父亲几乎没有朋友或同事。在与他接触时，他总是令人愉快、有礼貌、通情达理、得体。但人们无法避免对他产生这样一种印象——这个人怀有某种戒备心理——一种似乎渗透到他所有关系中的自我保护。我们几乎可以把这种与人交往的特质描述为分裂样，只是它很微妙，事实上被一种轻松社交的假象所掩盖。即使在他与弗雷德最热情、最有感情的交流中，也存在着同样的距离感和戒备心理。在父子之间的互动中，很明显，父亲的这种姿态和他们之间的距离是弗雷德感到沮丧的根源，而他对此的容忍度非常低。 Fred's mother, on the other hand, was a somewhat warmer, although obviously considerably more infantile person than his father. Behind her ready facade of cocktail party pleasantry, one could sense a pervasive and rather chronic depression. She seemed to be a rather needy person, with a relatively available supply of affection and warmth, but that capacity for affection and warmth was not consistently available to her. She seemed to be an insecure and somewhat needy woman, who readily turned to her husband for support or for gratification of her own needs. At such times—when she turned to him for support or in a manner that expressed her needs and her expectation of response from him—it became apparent that Mr. F. was somewhat threatened by this and responded by even further withdrawal from her. 另一方面，弗雷德的母亲虽然显然比他的父亲更幼稚，但却是一个稍微温暖一些的人。在她鸡尾酒会愉快的假象背后，人们能感觉到一种弥漫而相当慢性的抑郁。她似乎是一个相当需要别人的人，拥有相对充足的情感和温暖，但她并不总是能获得这种情感和温暖。她似乎是一个没有安全感、有点需要别人的女人，她随时会向丈夫寻求支持或满足自己的需求。在这种时候——当她向他寻求支持或以某种方式表达她的需求和她对他的期望时——很明显，F先生对此感到有些威胁，并以进一步疏远她来回应。 The marriage relationship had never been a good one. From the very beginning it had been filled with argument and conflict. The two of them seemed to disagree on a great many points. They seemed unable to resolve their differences. The usual pattern was that there would be a fight, and this would be followed by heavy drinking on the part of Mrs. F. and by an increased distancing and withdrawal on the part of Mr. F. As time went on, he arranged it so that he was obliged to spend more and more time away from home. They lived in the suburbs and he would leave in the early hours of the morning before Mrs. F. was out of bed and wouldn't return until the late evening hours. Weekends were hell. It was a rare weekend on which there was not a bitter argument and fight, and on which Mrs. F. did not get plastered stiff. Mr. F. also arranged in his capacity as a sales executive to take long trips to distant parts of the country and to foreign countries. This enabled him to be away from home and out of the stressful relationships with his wife and the rest of his family for even more extended periods of time. Inevitably, when he would go away on such trips, Mrs. F. would intensify her drinking and literally go on an extended binge during the period that her husband was away. While this pattern persisted from the earliest years, for a long time Mrs. F. kept her drinking for the most part a secret. She would hide the liquor so that her husband or the rest of the family would not discover it. She would also confine her heaviest drinking to periods in which her husband was absent. 他们的婚姻关系一直都不好。从一开始，它就充满了争吵和冲突。他们两人在很多问题上似乎都有分歧。他们似乎无法解决分歧。通常的模式是，他们会打架，然后F太太会大量饮酒，而F先生则会更加疏远和退缩。随着时间的推移，他安排自己不得不花越来越多的时间离开家。他们住在郊区，他会在F太太还没起床的凌晨离开家，直到深夜才回来。周末简直就是地狱。很少有周末不发生激烈的争吵和打架，F太太也很少不喝得烂醉如泥。F先生还以销售主管的身份安排了长途旅行，前往该国偏远地区和外国。这使他能够在更长的时间内离开家，摆脱与妻子和其他家人的紧张关系。不可避免地，当他离开家去这样的旅行时，F太太会加剧饮酒，并在丈夫离开期间真正开始长期狂欢。虽然这种模式从最早的时候就开始持续，但很长一段时间以来，F太太的大部分饮酒都是秘密的。她会把酒藏起来，以免丈夫或家里其他人发现。她还会把喝得最凶的时间限制在丈夫不在的时候。 What is most striking in all this is the quality of bland denial with which Fred's father treated the family problems. For many years, he refused to acknowledge that his wife had a drinking problem, even when confronted with unavoidable and irrefutable evidence that such was the case. In part her secretiveness was a contributing factor to this pattern, but it seems unavoidable that one also must acknowledge that Fred's father's unwillingness to face difficult emotional problems, together with his willingness to keep a safe emotional distance and to run from such problems when the opportunity presented itself, also played a significant part in the interaction between the couple. 这一切中最引人注目的是弗雷德父亲对待家庭问题时的平淡否认态度。多年来，他一直拒绝承认妻子有酗酒问题，即使面对不可避免和无可辩驳的证据，他也是如此。在一定程度上，她的隐秘性是造成这种模式的一个因素，但似乎不可避免的是，我们也必须承认，弗雷德父亲不愿意面对困难的情感问题，加上他愿意保持安全的情感距离，并在机会出现时逃避这些问题，这在夫妻双方的互动中也起到了重要作用。 The family experience was marked by considerable disorganization and disruption. In order to bolster the family finances, Fred's father took a position as a sales representative for his company in several foreign countries. He accepted his first foreign assignment when Fred was about six years old. The family had lived in a number of places in Fred's early years, moving every other year to a new location as Fred's father would be moved from one position to another in the company. The first foreign assignment was in Africa. The family lived there for the next eight years, but again the pattern of moving from place to place persisted. During the eight-year period they lived in ten different places. This was followed by a six-year stint in Greece. 这个家庭经历了相当大的混乱和破裂。为了支持家庭经济，弗雷德的父亲在几个外国担任了公司销售代表的职位。弗雷德大约六岁时，他接受了第一份海外任务。弗雷德早年，他们一家人住过许多地方，每隔一年就搬到一个新的地方，因为弗雷德的父亲在公司里会从一个职位调到另一个职位。第一项海外任务是在非洲。这家人在那里住了八年，但是再次从一个地方搬到另一个地方的模式依然存在。在这八年期间，他们住在十个不同的地方。随后是在希腊工作了六年。 Fred recalls all these moves with a great deal of bitterness. He regards himself as having been a lonely and isolated child. And he blames his parents for this because they were always moving from one place to another so that he never had a chance to develop any real friendships. He had to shift from school to school and he felt that this served only to disrupt his education and made it difficult for him to really accomplish anything. His resentment in this regard had to do with the fact that his parents always insisted that he do better schoolwork; yet they were the ones who made it impossible for him to do any better by their constant moving. Fred was not entirely convinced of his parents' blameworthiness, but made attempts to absolve them and cast the blame on the evil and malicious capitalistic and profiteering social system which made it necessary for his parents to have to do what they did. He complained bitterly, however, that all of this was done without any concern for or consultation about his own feelings and needs in the matter. 弗雷德在回忆这些搬家经历时心中充满了苦涩。他觉得自己是一个孤独而被孤立的孩子，并将这一切归咎于他的父母，因为他们总是不断地搬家，使他从未有机会建立真正的友谊。他不得不频繁转学，他觉得这只会扰乱他的教育，使他难以真正取得任何成就。他对此心生怨恨，因为他的父母总是坚持要求他学业优秀，然而正是他们频繁的搬家使得他无法安心学习。弗雷德并不完全相信他的父母应该受到责备，但他还是试图为他们辩解，并将责任归咎于邪恶、唯利是图的资本主义社会制度，正是这样的制度使得他的父母不得不做出那样的选择。然而，他痛苦地抱怨说，所有这一切都是在没有考虑或征求他自己的感受和需求的情况下完成的。