The School Years—Exile 上学那些年——流放 Fred recalls that as a young child he was quite fearful and isolated. He remembered terrible and frightening nightmares, although he could never recall the content of any of these dreams. As we shall see, nightmares were a feature of his later clinical pattern as well. He recalled awakening in the middle of the night terrified. He was afraid of animals as well. He remembered particularly having a fear of foxes. He recollected overhearing his parents talking about foxes carrying rabies. The family lived in a suburban area with a fair amount of wooded land in which Fred used to play. He became terrified of these woods, fearing that there would be foxes in them and that the animals might attack and bite him, and give him rabies that he would die from. He even remembered a fantasy that there were foxes hiding under his bed. He recalled that when he had to go to bed he was terrified. If he cried or put up a fuss, his parents would scold him or punish him and make him go to his room anyway. When he had to go to bed, he remembered running and leaping onto the bed over the footboard so that the foxes under the bed couldn't catch him and bite him. 弗雷德回忆说，他小时候非常害怕和孤独。他记得那些可怕而令人恐惧的噩梦，尽管他永远也想不起这些梦的内容。正如我们将看到的，噩梦也是他后来临床症状的一个特征。他记得半夜惊醒时感到害怕。他也害怕动物。他特别记得自己害怕狐狸。他回忆起无意中听到父母谈论狐狸携带狂犬病的事情。弗雷德一家住在郊区，那里有相当多的林地供他玩耍。他开始害怕这些树林，担心里面有狐狸，担心这些动物会袭击他、咬他，让他染上狂犬病而死。他甚至记得自己幻想过床下有狐狸藏着。他回忆起当他不得不睡觉时，他感到害怕。如果他哭了或吵闹，他的父母会责骂他或惩罚他，不管怎样都会让他回房间。当他不得不睡觉时，他记得自己越过床尾踏板跳到床上，这样床下的狐狸就抓不到他，也咬不到他了。 When Fred was six years old, the family moved to Africa. This was exciting for him, and he recalled the early years there with pleasure. He remembered making friends with the native boys and being able to play with them. But the pattern of continued moving still made things difficult for him. When he was about ten years old, his parents decided to send him to England for schooling. The father's rationalization for this was severalfold. The first factor was that the schooling available in Africa was of very poor quality and he wanted Fred to have the advantage of good schools. Another factor was that he had spent most of his own young years in boarding schools and remembered that time as a good experience in his life. He thought it would be good if Fred could have something of the same experience. But the most important and pressing factor that motivated the decision was the quality of the relationship between Fred and his mother. The father recognized that this interaction was unhealthy and detrimental to Fred. He felt that things were getting worse instead of better, as he had hoped, and he saw no recourse in the living situation but to give Fred the chance to get away from his mother and thus give him an opportunity for survival. 弗雷德六岁时，全家搬到了非洲。这对他来说很令人兴奋，他愉快地回忆起早年在那里的生活。他记得和当地的男孩交朋友，和他们一起玩。但是不断搬家的模式仍然给他带来了困难。当他大约十岁的时候，他的父母决定送他去英国上学。父亲对此的理由是多方面的。第一个因素是非洲的教育质量很差，他希望弗雷德能上好学校。另一个因素是他自己年轻时的大部分时间都是在寄宿学校度过的，他记得那段时间是他一生中的美好经历。他认为如果弗雷德能有类似的经历就好了。但推动这一决定的最重要和最紧迫的因素是弗雷德和他母亲之间的关系质量。父亲意识到这种互动是不健康的，对弗雷德有害。他觉得事情并没有像他希望的那样好转，反而变得更糟，他认为在生活环境中别无选择，只能给弗雷德一个离开母亲的机会，从而给他一个生存的机会。 On Fred's part, however, being sent away to school was an exile; he felt it to be a rejection and an abandonment. It was for him the certain sign of his disfavor and of his failure. He had failed to win his mother's approval, failed to satisfy her and measure up to her expectations. His banishment was particularly bitter in view of the fact that his younger brother was kept with the family. Fred had lost out in the intense rivalry with his brother as well. The banishment also intensified and further frustrated his wishes to get close to his father. In his crucial latency years, instead of gaining some sense of closeness and companionship with his father that he so desperately wanted, he was sent away to try to find his place among strangers. 然而，对弗雷德来说，被送去上学是一种流放；他觉得这是一种拒绝和抛弃。这对他来说是他失宠和失败的明确标志。他未能赢得母亲的认可，未能满足她，也未能达到她的期望。鉴于他的弟弟和家人住在一起，他的放逐尤其令人痛苦。弗雷德在与弟弟的激烈竞争中也失败了。放逐也加剧并进一步挫败了他接近父亲的愿望。在他关键的潜伏期，他没有获得与父亲亲密和陪伴的感觉，这是他非常渴望的，而是被送走，试图在陌生人中找到自己的位置。 Fred's resentment and bitterness ran deep. He was sent to an English boys' school and he hated it. He hated everything about it. He hated the other boys, he hated the teachers, he hated the restrictions and confinement, he hated the discipline, which was strict and often harsh. He could not make friends with the other boys. They taunted and picked on him because he was an American. They laughed at him because of the funny way he talked and expressed himself. He would respond with frustrated fury and rage. He was constantly getting into fights with the other boys. His attitude was sullen and rebellious and hostile. The other boys played tricks on him that made his life miserable, and their laughter hurt him and made him all the more furious. 弗雷德的怨恨和苦涩深入骨髓。他被送到了一所英国男校，他讨厌那里。他讨厌那里的一切。他讨厌其他男孩，他讨厌老师，他讨厌限制和束缚，他讨厌纪律，那是严格而往往又残酷的。他无法和其他男孩交朋友。他们嘲笑他，因为他是美国人。他们嘲笑他说话和表达自己的方式很滑稽。他会以挫败的愤怒和狂暴作为回应。他不断和其他男孩打架。他的态度是阴沉、叛逆和敌对的。其他男孩捉弄他，让他的生活痛苦不堪，他们的笑声伤害了他，让他更加愤怒。 His sense of isolation and abandonment grew through these years. His parents wrote to him infrequently. They never visited him—or at least he could never remember any such visits. They rarely ever sent him presents. Birthdays and holidays would often pass without a letter or a present. On each such occasion he was hurt and pained, and his sense of bitter resentment grew and deepened. He would plead to be able to come home for holidays, but the answer was always that it wouldn't be convenient, or that the family was going away, or that it would cost too much money for him to travel where they were. The expense incidentally was often the excuse for not being able to visit him at school. Fred remained in these English schools for several years. Because of his complaints and pleadings to be allowed to escape, he spent a year in school in Switzerland and another year in France. But these diversions were no matter. He was still lonely, still abandoned, and still could not make any friends to lighten the burden. The language barrier added to his difficulties. 这些年来，他的孤独感和被抛弃感越来越强烈。他的父母很少给他写信。他们从未去看望过他——至少他不记得有这样的看望。他们很少送他礼物。生日和节日经常没有信也没有礼物就过去了。每当这种时候，他都会感到受伤和痛苦，他的怨恨感也越来越深。他会恳求放假时能回家，但得到的回答总是那不方便，或者全家要出门，或者他去他们那里的旅费太贵了。顺便说一句，费用往往是他们不能去学校看望他的借口。弗雷德在这些英国学校待了好几年。由于他抱怨和恳求允许他退学，他在瑞士上了一年学，在法国又上了一年。但这些转移都无关紧要。他仍然孤独，仍然感到被抛弃，仍然无法交到任何朋友来减轻负担。语言障碍增加了他的困难。 Finally he was returned to the United States. His father had decided that he should attend a first-rate prep school—an experience his father thought would be in his best interests. Fred was enrolled in the prep school that his father had attended. The decision was made in the face of Fred's own complaints and protests. Father's mind was made up and that was that! The experience was again an unhappy and bitter one. His relationships with the other boys were intensely competitive and by and large hostile. He had few friends. He felt people were trying to put him down and keep him in an inferior place. He was quite rebellious and angry. He became a serious discipline problem and was always getting into hot water with the school authorities. He felt everyone was out to show him up and prevent him from showing his true abilities. His academic performance was barely passing. He felt the teachers were picking on him, were trying to make things difficult for him and were preventing him from showing his true ability and intelligence. He was intensely competitive in other areas. He felt that he showed more leadership ability than the other boys but that he was discriminated against and passed over because the administration and some of the boys were out to get him. When he was not elected to various class offices, he felt that he had been cheated and that the election had been rigged so that other fellows won and he didn't. He was able to unleash a considerable amount of anger and energy in athletics. He became known in the school as a fierce and ruthless competitor. His best game was soccer and, even though he was smaller in stature than most of the other kids, he managed to make the first team. 最后，他被送回了美国。他的父亲决定让他上一流的预科学校——他父亲认为自己的这段经历对自己最有用。弗雷德被他父亲上过的预科学校录取了。这个决定是在弗雷德自己的抱怨和抗议下做出的。父亲下定决心，事情就这样定了！这次经历再次令人不快和痛苦。他与其他男孩的关系竞争激烈，大体上充满敌意。他朋友很少。他觉得人们在试图贬低他，让他处于低人一等的地位。他非常叛逆和愤怒。他成了一个严重的纪律麻烦，总是和学校当局陷入困境。他觉得每个人都在想方设法让他出丑，阻止他展示自己真正的能力。他的学业成绩勉强及格。他觉得老师们在找他茬，想让他难堪，阻止他展示自己真正的能力和智慧。他在其他领域竞争激烈。他觉得自己比其他男孩表现出更多的领导能力，但因为他受到歧视和忽视，因为管理层和一些男孩在找他麻烦。当他没有被选入各种班级委员会时，他觉得自己被骗了，选举被操纵了，所以其他人赢了，而他没有。他在运动中释放出了大量的愤怒和能量。他在学校以激烈无情的竞争者而闻名。他最擅长的运动是足球，尽管他比大多数其他孩子都矮，但他还是成功地进入了第一队。 He made no friends in the school, either among the boys or among the faculty and administration. At the end of the year he was asked not to return to the school. Although his grades were passing, he was regarded as a disciplinary problem and the school did not want him back. Fred was hurt and angered by this. Once again he had failed, once again he was unable to measure up. He saw himself as a victim of circumstances and the ill will of others. He had too many things against him—not being able to live with his family, having to shift for himself, not having any friends or family to turn to, having everybody against him. How could anybody hope to succeed in the face of all that? 他在学校里一个朋友也没有，无论是男生还是教职员工。学年结束时，学校要求他不要再回学校了。虽然他的成绩及格了，但他被认为是一个纪律麻烦，学校不想让他回来。弗雷德为此感到伤心和愤怒。他又一次失败了，再一次没能达到标准。他把自己看作是环境和他人恶意的受害者。他有太多事情要反对他——不能和家人住在一起，不得不自己谋生，没有朋友或家人可以求助，所有人都反对他。面对这一切，任何人怎么可能希望成功呢？