Counterdependency 反依赖 Perhaps the clearest manifestation of this underlying homosexual concern lay in Fred's intense fears of dependency. He was threatened and terrified by any relationship in which he saw himself as passive and dependent. This obtained in his relationship to me even as it obtained in relation to his parents, the university administrators, professors, the United States government, the United States army—any context in which he was required to accept control and/or the influence of stronger and more powerful figures. He felt himself to be powerless, helpless, and victimized in relation to such figures. The sense of inner vulnerability was intolerable to him, and he strained every fiber of his being in a violent struggle to overcome and reduce it. He was in fact remarkable for the tenacity and intensity with which he carried on this struggle. I often found myself wondering how he managed to generate the seemingly endless reserves of psychic energy which he poured into this effort. It was the central focus and dynamic force in his life and experience. 或许，弗雷德潜在的同性恋关切最明显的表现就是他对于依赖的强烈恐惧。他对于任何将自己视为被动和依赖他人的关系都感到威胁和恐惧。这在他与我的关系中，就如同他与父母、大学行政人员、教授、美国政府和美国军队的关系一样——在任何需要他接受更强大、更有权势的人物的控制和/或影响的情境中。他觉得自己在这些人物面前无能为力、无助和受害。他无法忍受自己内心的脆弱感，竭尽全力进行激烈的斗争以克服这种感觉。事实上，他在这场斗争中的坚韧和强度令人瞩目。我经常想知道他是如何产生看似无穷无尽的精神能量来投入这场斗争的。这是他生活和经历中的核心焦点和动力。 This process was most apparent in his relationship to me. From the very beginning of our therapeutic experience together there was a subtle—and sometimes not so subtle—resistance. At first there was his anxiety to get out of the hospital, which was clearly related to his concerns over becoming dependent on the protective environment of the hospital, and his consequently becoming unable to cope effectively with the demands and stresses he expected in the outside world. I should point out immediately that his need to resist and counter the pull toward dependency was never unambiguous or without ambivalence. It was always counterbalanced and in conflict with his wish to be dependent and compliant. This struck me as a reflection of his childhood experience in which the gratification of his mother's seductive and loving affection was counterbalanced by the threat of subjugation and control at her hands. The price of loving closeness in that relationship had always been capitulation and subjugation. 这个过程在他与我的关系中最为明显。从我们一开始的治疗经历中，就存在一种微妙——有时并不那么微妙的——抵触。起初，他急于出院，这显然与他担心自己会依赖医院的保护环境有关，因此他担心自己无法有效应对外界的预期要求和压力。我应该立即指出，他对于依赖的抵触和反抗从来都不是明确的，也不是没有矛盾的。这总是与他的依赖和顺从的愿望相平衡和冲突。我觉得这反映了他童年的经历，在那种经历中，母亲诱惑性、爱的感情所带来的满足感与被她征服和控制的威胁相平衡。在那段关系中，亲密之爱的代价总是屈服和征服。 Once out of the hospital, the resistance continued in a variety of forms. He would frequently miss appointments, more often than not come late. Exploration of his underlying fears of further involvement in therapy seemed to effect little change. After such discussions, he would seem to reproach himself and make a fresh resolution to the effect that therapy was good for him and he ought to do it right if he wanted to get better. He would come on time for the next hour, and then fall back into the familiar pattern. He also was reluctant to accept medication. In the hospital the nursing staff saw to it that he got and took his medication, but once out of the hospital the decision was in his hands. He did not like medication since it made him feel like a cripple, and he wanted to think that he could get along without it. Having to take medicine was a sign of his defectiveness and incompleteness, as well as a sign of his dependency on me. 一旦出院，这种抵触情绪就以各种形式继续存在。他经常会错过预约，而且经常迟到。探究他对进一步接受治疗的潜在恐惧似乎并没有带来什么改变。经过这样的讨论后，他似乎会责备自己，并下定决心认为治疗对他有好处，如果他想好起来，就应该好好治疗。他会在下一次准时来，然后又回到熟悉的模式。他也不愿意接受药物治疗。在医院里，护理人员会确保他拿到并服下药物，但一旦出院，决定权就在他手中了。他不喜欢吃药，因为那让他觉得自己像个残废，他想认为自己可以不吃药也能过得去。必须服药是他有缺陷和不完整的标志，也是他依赖我的标志。