Graduate School and Marriage 研究生院与婚姻 Under pressure from Mary and Clem, it was agreed that Henry would go to dental school at a large midwestern university after his marriage. They agreed to pay for his tuition and give him an allowance to live on. The family investment in dentistry was high, and in face of Henry's lack of direction, his relatives had decided that this would be the obvious thing for him to do. Henry was compliant. But he nonetheless complained about many aspects of it. He argued that his aunt and uncle did not give him enough money; that they expected him to do nothing but study and work; that they did not give himself and Sally enough to live comfortably on or to afford any luxuries; that they kept checking up on him to see what he was doing with the money and whether he was performing up to their expectations. All of this galled and enraged him. 在玛丽和克莱姆的压力下，大家一致同意亨利婚后将去中西部一所大型大学的牙医学院就读。他们答应支付他的学费，并给他生活费。家里在牙科方面的投资很大，而且面对亨利缺乏人生方向的情况，他的亲戚们决定，这对他来说是最明显、最合适的选择。亨利顺从了他们的安排。但他还是对此抱怨连连。他抱怨叔叔婶婶给他的钱不够；他们期望他除了学习和工作什么都不做；他们给他和萨莉的钱不够舒适地生活，也不够享受任何奢侈的东西；他们还一直查问他钱的用处，以及他是否达到了他们的期望。所有这些都让他感到恼怒和愤怒。 Things did not go well. Henry found the schoolwork demanding and difficult. He had to spend long hours studying and longer hours working in the laboratory. He found that he could not study at home, and so would spend most of his evening in the library. He began having increasing difficulties concentrating. He began to feel more and more depressed. He and his wife were living in a small apartment that was quite confining. It was all that they could afford on his allowance, however. Moreover, his uncle never stopped complaining about finances and how much the young man was spending. 事情并不顺利。亨利发现学业要求很高，难度很大。他不得不花费长时间学习，在实验室工作的时间更长。他发现自己在家里无法学习，因此大部分晚上都在图书馆度过。他越来越难以集中注意力。他开始感到越来越沮丧。他和妻子住在一间狭小的公寓里，非常局促。然而，这已经是他们的生活费所能负担得起的全部了。此外，他的叔叔总是抱怨财务状况，以及这个年轻人花了多少钱。 Sally was very unhappy. She didn't like the apartment. She found it difficult to make friends with any of the neighbors. She felt that midwesterners were cold and distant people and that she could not relate to them. She felt alone and isolated. She was homesick and missed her family very much. She was alone most of the time, since Henry spent so much time away from her. He felt that she was too demanding sexually and that he could not satisfy her needs. He recalled one night when he had agreed to have some of his friends over to study for a bacteriology exam, Sally gave him a look, he remembered, that said she wanted him right then and there. He felt that she wanted him to tell his friends to get out and for him to take her to bed. The element of projection in this episode and the erotomania involved suggest the level of primitive defenses Henry was employing even at that time. 萨莉非常不开心。她不喜欢那套公寓。她觉得很难和邻居们交朋友。她觉得中西部的人冷漠而疏远，自己无法与他们相处。她感到孤独和隔绝。她很想家，非常想念家人。由于亨利大部分时间都不在她身边，所以她大多数时候都是一个人。亨利觉得她在性方面要求太高，自己无法满足她的需求。他回忆起有一天晚上，他答应让几个朋友过来一起为细菌学考试复习，萨莉看了他一眼，他记得，那眼神仿佛在说她当时就想要他。他觉得她希望他让朋友们离开，然后带她去床上。这件事中的投射成分以及所涉及的色情狂想，都表明了即使在那个时候，亨利所使用的防御机制是多么原始。 Another element was that Sally wanted badly to have a baby. The prospect of having children frightened Henry. He felt that it would only create more problems. It would cost money and his uncle was already complaining about finances and threatening to cut off the supply. But even more so, the thought of the responsibility was threatening to him. He saw a baby as something that Sally wanted for herself, and as something that would exclude him from her affection. He felt that she should only be concerned with helping him get through school, and not be selfishly wanting something that would gratify her and only create more problems for him. As a result he avoided her sexually more and more. When they did have sex, he insisted on using prophylactics. The issue of the baby became an area of contention and struggle. If he loved her, she felt that he would want to give her a child. But if she loved him, he felt that she would not want to have a child. 另一个问题是萨莉非常想要个孩子。但生孩子的想法让亨利感到害怕。他觉得这只会带来更多问题。养孩子需要花钱，而他叔叔已经在抱怨财务状况，并威胁要切断经济支持。但更让他担忧的是，想到要承担的责任就让他感到威胁。他觉得孩子只是萨莉自己想要的东西，有了孩子，她对自己的爱就会减少。他觉得她应该只关心如何帮助他完成学业，而不是自私地想要满足自己的愿望，给他带来更多麻烦。因此，他越来越避免与她发生性关系。当他们确实发生性关系时，他坚持使用避孕措施。孩子的问题成为了他们争执和斗争的焦点。如果她觉得他爱她，那么他就应该愿意给她一个孩子。但在他看来，如果她爱他，她就不会想要孩子。 Finally things became so difficult that Sally decided that she would return east to spend some time with her parents. Her leaving, even though intended only as a visit, was traumatic for Henry. He became quite depressed, morose, unable to work or study. He felt that Sally had let him down. He felt angry and hurt by her leaving. If she really loved him, he reasoned, she would have stuck by him and supported him no matter what. He felt harassed and beleaguered, as if caught between two warring camps, one being Sally's family back east and the other his own family, particularly his aunt and uncle. They were complaining that he wasn't working hard enough, that he was not performing up to expectations, that he was spending too much money, etc. He felt abandoned and unloved. He felt that no one cared about him, that people were out to hurt him and do him in. It seemed obvious in retrospect that he was decompensating at this time and that his paranoid thinking was well established. 最后，事情变得如此艰难，以至于萨莉决定回东部和父母住一段时间。尽管她只是打算回去看看，但她的离开对亨利来说却是一次创伤。他变得非常沮丧、忧郁，无法工作或学习。他觉得萨莉让他失望了。他对她的离开感到愤怒和受伤。他想，如果她真的爱他，无论发生什么，她都会坚守在他身边支持他。他感到被骚扰和围攻，仿佛夹在两个交战的阵营之间，一个是萨莉在东部的家人，另一个是他自己的家人，特别是他的叔叔和婶婶。他们在抱怨他不够努力，没有达到期望，花钱太多，等等。他感到被抛弃，没有人爱。他觉得没有人关心他，人们都想伤害他，置他于死地。回想起来，很明显，他当时已经失代偿，并且他的偏执思维已经根深蒂固。