Therapy 治疗 Therapy with Henry turned out to be a fascinating experience, particularly, as we shall see, in that he re-created the cycle of intense sexual involvement, disappointment, and suicidal wishes that had plagued him so often in the past. The beginning of his therapy was primarily taken up with the telling of a story. He painted a broad picture of himself as deprived, unfortunate, ill-starred, rejected and abandoned, unloved and unwanted. Each episode of misfortune or rejection was recounted with generous amounts of self-pity and depressive affect. In short order he began to weep about his losses. For months every interview was given over to long periods of profuse weeping. The tears just seemed to well up from some inexhaustible inner fountain. 对亨利的治疗过程证明是一次引人入胜的经历，特别是，如我们所见，他重现了过去常常困扰他的那种强烈的性投入、失望和自杀念头的循环。治疗初期，他主要讲述自己的故事。他把自己描绘成一个被剥夺、不幸、命运多舛、被拒绝和抛弃、不被爱也不被需要的人。每一段不幸或被拒绝的经历都被他带着大量的自怜和抑郁情绪娓娓道来。很快，他就开始为自己的损失哭泣。数月来，每次访谈都伴随着长时间的痛哭流涕。眼泪似乎是从他内心某个无穷无尽的源泉中涌出来的。 Gradually the tears and the self-pity were more and more accompanied by expressions of bitterness and hatred. His rage was directed at first toward his aunt and uncle who had treated him so badly, but increasingly toward his father. It was interesting that soon after his admission, I called his father by long distance. The father was irate at being called. He wanted nothing to do with Henry. He shouted into the phone that Henry had never lived up to his expectations, that he would never amount to anything, and that as far as he was concerned he no longer considered Henry his son. He made it quite clear that he did not want to hear from me again—no matter what! The degree of anger seemed quite inappropriate. But I could see what Henry had to deal with. 渐渐地，他的眼泪和自怜越来越多地伴随着苦涩和仇恨的表达。起初，他的愤怒是指向对他如此糟糕的叔叔和婶婶，但越来越多地指向了他的父亲。有趣的是，亨利入院后不久，我给他的父亲打了长途电话。父亲接到电话后非常生气。他不想和亨利有任何瓜葛。他对着电话大喊，说亨利从未达到他的期望，永远也不会有什么出息，就他而言，他不再把亨利当作他的儿子。他明确表示，无论如何，他都不想再听到我的消息！愤怒的程度似乎很不合适。但我能看出亨利要面对的是什么。 Henry was feeling very sorry for himself, feeling that he was an unfortunate and helpless victim, and blaming everyone in his life who had let him down and disappointed him. He complained that no one of them cared about him or loved him at all. Sally, Edna, his aunt and uncle, his father, they were all cold and callous. They didn't care about him in the least. The only one who had cared was his mother, and they had taken her away from him. He clearly saw his mother's death as due to the antagonism between herself and his father and father's family. They picked on her and cut her down mercilessly, until finally they killed her. And they picked on him, too, but he would not let them do it any more. He felt that he hated them all and that he would have nothing to do with them. 亨利为自己感到非常难过，觉得自己是个不幸又无助的受害者，并责备生活中所有让他失望的人。他抱怨说，他们中没有一个人关心他，爱他。莎莉、埃德娜、他的叔叔婶婶、他的父亲，他们都冷漠无情。他们一点也不关心他。唯一关心他的人是他的母亲，但他们却把她从他身边夺走了。他清楚地认为，母亲的死是因为她和父亲及父亲家人之间的对立。他们挑剔她，无情地贬低她，直到最后把她逼上了绝路。他们也挑剔他，但他不会再让他们得逞了。他觉得他恨他们所有人，不想与他们有任何瓜葛。 He confessed at one point that he felt badly about crying so much in his therapy sessions. He had never been able to cry like that before, but he felt humiliated by it. He also feared that I wouldn't be able to take it. If he poured out his worst feelings, he fantasized that it would damage me or hurt me in some way. He began to feel that I was the only one in his life who cared, the only one he could trust. The others could not be trusted, because they were only out to use him or get something out of him. But he began to see me as a strong, supportive, and caring figure—the good father he had always wanted and yearned for, but never got. He said at one point that he just wanted to come into my office, put his head in my lap and cry his heart out. His fantasy was that I would hold him and care for him. 他一度坦言，对自己在治疗过程中哭得那么厉害感到很难过。他以前从未这样哭过，但觉得这让自己很丢脸。他还担心我无法承受。他幻想，如果自己倾诉出最糟糕的感受，会以某种方式伤害到我或对我造成损害。他开始觉得，我是他生命中唯一关心他的人，是唯一可以信任的人。其他人都不可信，因为他们只是想利用他或从他那里得到些什么。但他开始把我视为一个强大、支持他、关心他的人——他一直想要并渴望拥有，却从未得到过的慈父形象。他曾一度说，他只想走进我的办公室，把头靠在我的腿上，痛痛快快地哭一场。他幻想我会抱着他，照顾他。 It was clear in time what his copious tears were about. On one hand he was still deeply mourning his mother. His loss had affected him profoundly. He saw her death as part of a conspiracy involving the father and the father's family. They hated her because she was so good. They hated her Catholicism and they picked and beat her to death. He viewed the family conspiracy as evil and maliciously destructive. And they had turned their evil power against him because he was like her. His older brother had escaped because he looked like his father. But Henry became the victim because he looked like his mother and because he was her favorite. He was never able to get to any feelings of resentment directed toward his mother, however. She remained the pure, loving, giving, caring mother. Any resentment for her not protecting him from his father's rages and beatings, or for her dying and abandoning him, were strongly repressed. 随着时间的推移，他为何泪流满面变得清晰起来。一方面，他仍在深切悼念母亲。她的离世对他影响深远。他认为母亲的死是父亲及父亲家人阴谋的一部分。他们恨她，因为她太好了。他们憎恶她的天主教信仰，挑剔她、殴打她，直至将她折磨致死。他认为家族的阴谋邪恶且充满恶意，具有毁灭性。而且他们将邪恶的势力转向了他，因为他像母亲。他的哥哥逃过一劫，因为他长得像父亲。但亨利却成了受害者，因为他长得像母亲，而且是她最疼爱的孩子。然而，他从未对母亲产生过任何怨恨。在他心中，母亲始终是纯洁、慈爱、给予和关怀的形象。他对母亲未能保护他免受父亲的盛怒和殴打，或对她离世后留下他孤身一人，都没有丝毫怨恨，这些情绪都被他深深压抑了。 One day, in one of our therapy sessions and without any preliminaries, Henry suddenly presented me with a list of literary works. He announced that the list contained the whole story of his problem. In response to my puzzlement and inquiries, he would reply that the whole story was right there and that if I read these works I would surely understand his problem. 有一天，在我们的一次治疗会话中，亨利没有任何铺垫，突然递给我一份文学作品清单。他说这份清单包含了他问题的全部故事。面对我的困惑和询问，他回答说，整个故事就在那里，如果我读了这些作品，就一定会理解他的问题。 The whole episode was a puzzling attempt to intellectualize and distance himself from the turmoil of distressing emotions that he was experiencing. While the lists amounted to a protective maneuver—both from his own inner experience and from my intrusion on his inner life—they were also expressive of his inner anguish and confusion. The literary world reflected in these works was one of inner anguish and inner destitution and emptiness. It reflected a constant search for meaning and wholeness that is repeatedly rebuffed and denied. It evoked a world in which the torment of the unbridgeable gap between souls, between man and woman, between man and man, was the basic human affliction. There was the eschatological preoccupation with meaning, with destiny, with death, and the yearning for the face of the ultimate parent who stood beyond all reality and all life. It is not without reason, then, that in the light of our patient's inner turmoil we find Durrell writing in the last pages of Justine, "Underneath all his preoccupations with sex, society, religion, etc. (all the staple abstractions which allow the forebrain to chatter) there is, quite simply, a man tortured beyond endurance by the lack of tenderness in the world" (italics supplied). Henry was ceaselessly seeking, like the starved and lost souls of Kafka's imaginary world and Durrell's exotic and erotic Alexandria, that ultimate tenderness and loving acceptance that had been denied him. 整件事是他试图将自己正经历的痛苦情绪理智化，并与之保持距离，令人费解。虽然列出这些清单是一种保护性的举动——既是为了保护自己内心的感受，也是为了抵御我对他内心世界的侵扰——但它们同时也表达了他内心的痛苦和困惑。这些作品中反映的文学世界充满了内心的痛苦、贫乏和空虚。它反映了一种对意义和完整性的不懈追求，却屡遭挫败和拒绝。它勾勒出一个世界，在这个世界里，灵魂之间、男人与女人之间、男人与男人之间无法逾越的鸿沟所带来的折磨，是人类的基本苦难。这里有着对意义、命运、死亡的终极关切，以及对超越所有现实和生命的终极父母面容的渴望。因此，鉴于我们这位患者内心的挣扎，杜雷尔在《贾斯廷》的最后几页中写道：“在他对性、社会、宗教等（所有让大脑前额叶喋喋不休的主要抽象概念）的关注之下，简简单单地藏着一个因世上缺乏温柔而备受折磨、痛苦不堪的男人”（斜体为原文所有）。这话并非没有道理。亨利就像卡夫卡想象世界中那些饥饿、迷失的灵魂，以及杜雷尔笔下那充满异域风情和情欲色彩的亚历山大港中的人物一样，不停地寻找着那曾被他错失的终极温柔和爱的接纳。