Narcissism 自恋 We have already considered the role of narcissism in Karen's defensiveness—particularly in relation to her need to be different, to stand out, not to conform to expectations or explanations—and the immense struggle that she entered into, not only in the analysis but through the course of her life, to preserve her "individuality." The saga of her narcissism likewise played itself out in her expectations that were continually frustrated and denied. It was these constantly rejuvenated expectations that left her in a state of continual disappointment. Her expectations reached out to her mother, from whom she always anticipated and looked for acceptance and approval, but never got it; to her father from whom she longed for a close and abiding relationship, but was continually denied this because of his remoteness and his continual abandonment; to her boyfriends from whom she expected tenderness and concern and a primary place in their affections, but in relation to whom she constantly felt herself to be subjected to their needs and their self-importance. We have also seen the depressive rage that grew out of this narcissistic embroilment. Karen lived under the curse of narcissism. It was essentially this narcissism that underlay her inner anguish and her embattled defensiveness. A question we might ask at this juncture is: What influences come to bear on a child like Karen which turn the course of narcissistic development from a pattern of gradually emerging self-esteem to these more pathological deviations? 我们已经考虑过卡伦的防御——尤其是她需要不同,脱颖而出,不符合预期或解释——和她进入的巨大斗争中自恋的角色，这些防御和斗争不仅发生在分析中，而且贯穿她的人生，为的是保护她的“个性”。同样，她自恋的传奇也在她不断受挫和被否认的期望中得到了体现。正是这些不断更新的期望使她处于不断失望的状态。她的期望达到了她的母亲，她总是期待她的母亲，期待她的接受和认可，但从来没有得到;达到了她的父亲，她渴望与父亲建立一种亲密而持久的关系，但由于父亲遥不可及和不断的遗弃，她不断被拒绝;到达了她的男朋友们，她希望从她的男朋友那里得到温柔和关心，并在他们的感情中占有首要地位，但在与他们的关系中，她总是觉得自己要服从他们的需要和他们的自负。我们也看到了这种自恋纠葛带来的压抑愤怒。卡伦生活在自恋的诅咒之下。她内心的痛苦和受围攻的防御之下，本质上就是这种自恋。我们在这个时候可能会问的一个问题是:像卡伦这样的孩子受到了什么影响?是什么使自恋的发展过程从一种逐渐显现的自尊变成了这些更病态的脱轨? The point of departure for this consideration lies in the interface between parental narcissism and infantile narcissism. If the child is to grow out of the cocoon of infantile narcissism, it must be by the emergence of a significant object-relatedness. There is a hunger for object involvement that is embedded in the instinctual life of every human infant. But the relationship to real objects must be worked out in the context of a developing mutuality. The child becomes able to relate to real objects in the measure to which he is responded to and met in the ongoing interaction with significant objects as a real object himself. In fact, the emerging context of mutuality requires that the parent be able to respond to the child as a distinct and separate and uniquely individualized object. 这种考虑的出发点在于父母自恋和婴儿自恋之间的界面。如果孩子想要从婴儿时期的自恋茧中成长出来，那就必须通过一种重要的客体关系的出现。每个人类婴儿的本能生活中都有一种对客体介入的渴望。但与真实客体的关系必须在相互发展的背景下解决。孩子变得能够与真实的客体联系起来，在他作为真实客体与重要的客体的持续互动中，他被回应，被满足。事实上，正在出现的相互关系要求父母能够将孩子作为一个截然不同的、独立的和独特的个体化的对象来回应。 This basic acceptance and recognition of the child's emerging self by the significant objects in the environment serves as a basic contributing force to the shaping of developing self-esteem. To the extent that the child's emerging self is accepted, recognized, interacted with in meaningful ways and perhaps even more crucially, loved, the child is able to internalize this aspect of self-regard in an age-appropriate manner specific to the stages of his developmental progression. Such an occurrence, however, requires in the significant object to which the child is thus related, a capacity to relate to the child as a distinct and separate individual and to recognize and acknowledge what is intrinsic to the child as something that is valued, loved, esteemed, and cherished for its own sake. 环境中重要的客体对儿童正在形成的自我的这种基本接受和认可，是塑造发展中的自尊的一种基本力量。孩子的正在形成的自我被接受，被认可，以有意义的方式互动，甚至更重要的是，被爱，孩子才能够将自我关注的这一方面以与他的发展阶段相适应的方式内化。然而,这种发生,需要孩子的重要客体具有这样一种能力，即他可以将孩子作为一个截然不同、独立的个体，并承认孩子是有价值的、被爱的、被尊重的、被珍视的。 What then interferes with this pattern of emerging narcissism which would otherwise result in a healthy and realistic sense of self-esteem? The proposition being advanced here is that it is specifically the parental narcissism that inhibits the capacity of the parents to respond to the emergent self of the child and which alters and distorts the internalizations which contribute to the healthier progression in the child's development in self-esteem. 那么，是什么妨碍了这种形成中的自恋模式呢?这种自恋本该产生健康和现实的自尊感的。这里提出的观点是，正是父母的自恋抑制了父母对孩子涌现的自我做出反应的能力，改变和扭曲了有助于孩子自尊的健康发展的内化过程，。 In Karen's case, it seems clear that her mother's own sense of self-esteem was so delicately precarious and her narcissistic needs were so intense and readily mobilized that they interfered with her capacity to respond to the inner needs of her child. Such a recognition and acceptance from her mother is what Karen never received in the earliest stages of her developmental experience, and it is precisely what she continually sought and was continually denied. The denial was driven by the strength of her mother's own narcissistic fixations and needs. Consequently we can conclude that Karen was "loved" or "accepted" only to the degree that she was able to respond to and fulfill her mother's narcissistic demands. To an extent, Karen was able to do this—she became the neat and precociously self-possessed and studiously organized child that the mother demanded. This gained her a measure of mother's acceptance, but the price had to be paid. 在卡伦的例子中，很明显，她母亲的自尊感是如此微妙地不稳定，她的自恋需求是如此强烈和容易被调动起来，以至于影响了她回应孩子内心需求的能力。这种来自母亲的认可和接纳，是卡伦在她成长的最初阶段从未得到过的，而这正是她不断追求和不断被拒绝的东西。这种否认是由她母亲自身的自恋固着和需求所驱动的。因此，我们可以得出这样的结论，卡伦“被爱”或“被接受”的程度取决于她能够回应并满足她母亲自恋需求的程度。在某种程度上，卡伦做到了这一点——她成为了母亲所要求的那种整洁、早熟的自制、有条理的孩子。这使她在一定程度上得到了母亲的认可，但这是必须付出的代价。 What it effected was a split between the obedient, clean, punctual, responsible, studious and subjugated self that she presented to the external world to gain its acceptance and approval and the inner self that cloaked itself in rebelliousness and defensiveness and wallowed in its threatened vulnerability and resentful victimization. Thus Karen erected within her own inner world a false self which represented her conformity to her mother's demands but also represented an inner violation, a subjugation, a victimization, a rape and assault, a violence upon what she felt to be most authentically and centrally her true self. 这样的结果就是，她把顺从、干净、守时、负责任、勤奋和屈从的自我呈现给外部世界，以获得外部世界的接受和认可，而把内心自我隐藏在反叛和防御之中，沉溺于其受到威胁的脆弱和怨恨的受害之中。因此，卡伦在自己的内心世界中树立了一个虚假的自我，这个虚假的自我代表着她顺从母亲的要求，但也代表着一种内心的侵犯，一种征服，一种受害，一种强奸和攻击，一种对她认为最真实、最核心的真实自我的暴力。 The struggle to preserve that sense of authentic self was joined from the earliest levels of her recollection in the continuing combat with her mother. It was also rejoined with startling strength and precipitous clarity in the context of the analysis, where the basic issue that had to be joined was whether my narcissistic needs to reduce her to an analytic conception, and thus force her into a position of subjugated conformity and violation of her inner self, were to take precedence over allowing the authentic impulse to her own integrity to emerge. The question was equivalently: Whose narcissistic needs were to be served by the analysis, mine or hers? What had to be established was the possibility that it need not be a question of mine versus hers, but that it could perhaps be a question of both, or even neither. 从她记忆的最初阶段起，她就一直在与母亲斗争，努力保持那种真实的自我感。在分析的背景下，它也重新加入了令人吃惊的力量和陡峭的清晰度，其中必须加入的基本问题是我的自恋是否需要将她简化为分析概念,从而迫使她进入被征服符合状态，以及违反她的内在自我,将要优先于允许对她自己完整性的真实冲动出现。同样的问题是:分析将满足谁的自恋需求?我的还是她的？必须确定的是，这个问题不一定是我和她的问题，而是可能两者都是，甚至两者都不是。