The First Hour 第一个小时 Karen's first hour on the couch was an illuminating one and enunciated many of the interlocking themes which will take up the bulk of our consideration. We can reconstruct this first hour here as a sort of prelude to the further exploration of her analytic material. 卡伦在沙发上的第一个小时很有启发性，阐述了许多相互关联的主题，这些主题将占据我们大部分的思考时间[精神分析一般都会提供一张沙发，患者躺在上边的时候是看不见分析师的]。我们可以在这里重建这第一个小时，作为进一步探索她的分析材料的前奏。 As she approached the couch, she asked whether I had an ashtray and whether it would be possible for her to smoke on the couch. I replied that perhaps that was something we could talk about. She lay down in a rigid position and for several minutes was silent. On the wall there was hanging a quite undistinguished and cheap painting of a country scene. She began by commenting on the painting, "I'm looking at that painting on the wall, and I'm not crazy about it. It looks sometimes like a van Gogh, but it's the worst I' ve even seen. I don't think I can get through this thing without smoking." I wondered what her thoughts were about not smoking. "I enjoy it. I like the taste, and I guess I smoke for all the possible reasons. I'd like to stop; at least I would have more money. But I feel hostile to anything like an order or demand. You said we could talk about it. That's not a demand. It's difficult when there is a block of time. I usually have a smoke before I go into the theater. The house on the right is just wrong for that print." There was a silence of several minutes. "I wonder if it's really a van Gogh. I guess that's not tactful—you must like it." I wondered at that point whether she was concerned about offending me. "Well I would have things in my home that I liked, and I would think it would be the same in your office. But I have the impression that you wouldn't invest much in this office or building. " The comment reflected the dilapidated state of the hospital building. 当她走近沙发时，她问我是否有烟灰缸，她是否可以在沙发上吸烟。我回答说，也许我们可以谈谈这个。她以僵硬的姿势躺下，沉默了几分钟。墙上挂着一幅毫不起眼的廉价乡村风景画。她由评论这幅画开始，“我在看墙上的那幅画，我并不喜欢它。它有时看起来像梵高的作品，但却是我见过的最糟糕的。我不认为我不抽烟就可以过了这关。“ 我好奇她对不吸烟有什么想法。”我喜欢它。我喜欢它的味道，我想我抽烟的原因有很多。我想停下来;至少我会有更多的钱。但我对任何命令或要求都怀有敌意。你说我们可以谈谈。这不是要求。有一段时间是很难的。我通常在去剧院之前抽支烟。右边的房子印错了。“ 沉默了几分钟。”我想知道这是不是梵高的真迹。我想那不太得体——你一定喜欢。“ 当时我在想，她是不是担心会冒犯我。”我家里会有我喜欢的东西，我想在你的办公室里也会有一样的东西。但是我有个印象，你不会在这个办公室或大楼里投资太多。这一评论反映了医院建筑的破旧状况。 Let's get back to the cigarettes. I take cues from people. It's irritating not to be able to look at you. I made the mistake of watching Marcus Welby last night. It was the story of a suicidal woman, but she felt her life wasn't worth living. She could only be attracted to married men, since she felt they were safe. She went to an analyst, but he wasn't Freudian. It seems that they cured each other. I wonder if I'm looking for similarities or differences? I guess I'm being superficial. The shrink was dying from an amyotrophic laternal sclerosis. I guess it's a plight common enough to evoke identification, but it wouldn't have much appeal. It's the difficulty of individual problems as against social patterns. What are the reasons why a career woman would get into that position? It seems like a conspiracy between the outside and the inside. The relationship I had this summer was one of the best I ever had. I still want a cigarette. 让我们回到香烟上。我从别人那里得到暗示。不能看着你真让人生气。昨晚我不该看《马库斯·韦尔比》[美国七十年代的一个电视剧，背景与医院有关]。这是一个自杀的女人的故事，但是她觉得她的生活不值得过下去。她只能被已婚男人吸引，因为她觉得他们很安全。她去看了精神分析学家，但他不是弗洛伊德主义者。看来他们互相治好了。我好奇我是在寻找相似点还是不同点?我想我是肤浅的。这位心理医生死于肌萎缩症。我想这是一种常见的困境，足以引起认同，但它不会有多大吸引力。这是个体问题的困难，与社会模式相反。职业女性获得这个职位的原因是什么?这似乎是一个内部和外部的阴谋。今年夏天我和他的关系是我有过的最好的关系之一。我还想抽支烟。 There was a long silence following this. 接着是长时间的沉默。 I wonder if I felt threatened? I didn't think of him as married, but I was able to accept the relationship and didn't have to feel so defensive. It was just a relationship of a victim and a victimizer. I wonder if it happened because I knew he was married, or did it just go right and did I relate to him as an eligible man? That may be unanswerable. I'm feeling verbal resistance, this whole thing feels intimidating. 我不知道我是否感到了威胁?我不认为他已经结婚了，但我能够接受这段关系，也不需要感到那么有防御性。这只是受害者和施害者之间的关系。我想知道这一切的发生是因为我知道他已经结婚了，还是因为一切都很顺利，并且我把他当作一个合适的人?这可能是无法回答的。我感到语言上的抗拒，这整件事让人感到害怕。 I commented that this was a new experience for her. She replied, "It gives rise to the greatest resistance, but I try to make it sound good. I have a lot of self-pity over all the rotten things that have happened to me. Things have got to get better. This was not a pleasant year. Things are so close to the surface, but I'm afraid to let go." At this point she became tearful. 我说这对她来说是一次新的经历。她回答说:“这引起了最大的阻力，但我尽量使它听起来很好。我对发生在我身上的一切不幸的事深感自怜。情况必须好转。这是不愉快的一年。事情显而易见，但我害怕放手。说到这里，她热泪盈眶。 My parents never tell me anything. I remember when I got home and my mother rushed out of the house saying, "Now don't get upset, but..." That was when my father had his stroke. Fortunately it was minor, but when mother said that,I began to feel myself get cold and hard. The next time it was when my father had an accident. He was all cut up and in bad psychological shape. He lost his job with the government and then had an accident and ruined a new car. It was the first accident he had had in years, but the insurance company screwed him. He still thinks of me as a baby. He had his teeth pulled and he didn't like his job at all. His sixtieth birthday was so depressing, and I took a thousand dollars. 我父母什么都没告诉我。我记得当我回到家，妈妈冲出家门说:“现在不要生气，但是……” 那是我父亲中风的时候。幸运的是，这只是个小问题，但当妈妈这么说的时候，我开始觉得自己又冷又难受。下一次是我父亲出了车祸。他浑身伤痕累累，心理状况很差。他失去了在政府的工作，然后发生了一场事故，毁了一辆新车。这是他多年来第一次发生事故，但保险公司把他骗了。他仍然把我当作婴儿看待。他的牙齿被拔掉了，他一点也不喜欢他的工作。他的六十大寿真令人沮丧，我拿了一千美元。 Here the tears began to flow copiously. Then in a somewhat resentful tone, she went on. 这时眼泪开始涌出。然后，她带着几分怨恨的口气继续说下去。 My mother wasn't a martyr, but why should I hate to take money? If I owe anybody anything I remember it for years. That should make you feel better. 我母亲不是殉道者，但我为什么要讨厌收钱呢?如果我欠别人什么，我会记得很多年。这应该会让你感觉好些。 The comment was prompted by a preceding discussion about the fee. 这一评论是由之前有关这笔费用的讨论引发的。 How can I pay for this? What if I got sick? Money always seems to be a problem. My mother's relatives are rich, but I hate them. My father always feels so inadequate. They never go traveling with her family because I take the money and they can't afford it. They invited the family to come to my graduation, and it made me feel like a pawn. I hate this comparative shit. But my father took them out to dinner, and that was nice. 我怎么付钱?如果我生病了怎么办?钱似乎总是个问题。我妈妈的亲戚很有钱，但我讨厌他们。我父亲总是觉得自己很不称职。他们从来不和她的家人一起去旅游，因为我拿了钱，他们付不起。他们邀请我的家人来参加我的毕业典礼，这让我觉得自己像个卒子。我讨厌这种比较。但我父亲带他们出去吃饭，那很好。 There was a pause here again. 这里又停顿了一下。 I felt like working again last night, starting to work on my thesis. I hope I can sell my adviser on the topic. I certainly have talked about a range of things today. There was a bomb scare at the university this morning. This whole thing is getting ridiculous—but I guess it's an effective political statement. It scares people but it doesn't hurt anybody. But the police seem so laconic. By the way is there a bathroom on this floor? I may need it. I'm going to read more about analysis, because I want to use Freud in my course. One of the major themes there is dehumanization which goes along with desexualization. Freud didn't invent the unconscious or sex. The whole idea of penis envy is so damn moralistic and smug. It says ladies have to "take things like a man." I guess you have to accept the conclusion if you accept the premises. I wonder about your silence—is it a companionable silence? 我感觉昨晚好像又开始工作了，开始写我的论文。我希望我能在这个主题上说服我的导师。今天我确实谈了很多事情。今天早上大学里发生了一起炸弹恐慌。这整件事越来越荒谬，但我想这是一个有效的政治声明。它让人害怕，但不会伤害任何人。但警方似乎太过沉默。顺便问一下，这一层有洗手间吗?我可能要用一下。我要读更多关于分析的内容，因为我想在我的课程中使用弗洛伊德的理论。其中一个主要的主题是去人性化，它伴随着去性化。弗洛伊德没有创造无意识或性。整个阴茎嫉妒的概念是如此的自以为是和自鸣得意。它说女人必须“像男人一样对待事物”。如果你接受前提的话，我想你必须接受结论。我对你的沉默感到奇怪——这是一种友好的沉默吗?