The Sadomasochistic Pattern 施虐受虐模式 The work and the study were rewarding in retrospect, but she looked back on that period as an emotional and social desert. She was able to sustain this pattern for a fairly long time, but increasingly she began to experience a more and more troublesome depression. Finally after two years of doctoral work she decided to interrupt her studies and went to New York, where she worked for a time in secretarial and similar jobs. She began dating again, but once again fell into this pattern of forming intense and rather sadomasochistic relationships in which she felt herself to be taken advantage of and sexually abused, and in which she defended herself by demeaning her male partners, and using her rapier sharp wit and intelligence to put down and undermine the men. This did not continue long, however, since she felt that her life was increasingly unsatisfactory, that she was getting nowhere, that her relationships were unrewarding and in fact self-destructive, and that she was only making herself available as an object for the sexual exploitation of the rapacious males around her—as she called it the "meat market." 回想起来，她的工作和研究都是有回报的，但她把那段时间视为情感和社交的荒漠。她能够在相当长的一段时间内保持这种模式，但她开始经历越来越麻烦的抑郁症。经过两年的博士学习，她终于决定中断学业，去了纽约，在那里她做了一段时间的秘书和类似的工作。她又开始约会,但再次陷入这种模式，形成了强烈而相当施虐受虐的关系。在这种关系中，她感到自己被利用和性虐待,她通过贬低她的男性伙伴，通过用自己犀利的智慧贬低、削弱男人来为自己防御。然而,这并没有持续多长时间,因为她觉得她的生活是越来越不满意,她无路可走,她的关系实际上是无回报的,自我毁灭的,她只是让自己变成了她周围性贪婪的男性的唾手可得的目标——她称之为“肉市场。” At this juncture, she determined to return to academia and to focus on finishing her doctoral work. She took a job as an instructor at a local university and started to lay the ground for her work on her dissertation. In her new job the same pattern of sexual involvements developed. Most of the men in her department were married, but despite this she managed to make the rounds with nearly all of the men in the department within a relatively short time. Most of these relationships were rather intense and sexually active, but it quickly became clear that in none of these cases was there any promise of a meaningful relationship for her. In one or two cases there was talk of divorce and marriage, but in each case she was bitterly disappointed. When she had in this fashion run through the list of available men in the department, she became increasingly depressed and anxious, and began to think seriously of the possibility of therapy. 在这个时候，她决定回到学术界，专注于完成她的博士论文。她在当地一所大学找了一份教师的工作，开始为她的论文打下基础。在她的新工作中，也出现了同样的性行为模式。她系里的大多数男人都结婚了，但尽管如此，她还是设法在相对较短的时间内与系里几乎所有的男人交往。这些关系中的大多数都是相当紧张和性活跃的，但很快就清楚的是，没有一个给她承诺。有一两次，她谈到了离婚和结婚，但每次都大失所望。当她以这种方式浏览了这个部门的可用男性名单后，她变得越来越沮丧和焦虑，并开始认真考虑接受治疗的可能性。