Mother 母亲 If Karen's attitude toward her father was characterized by conscious admiration and adulation together with less than conscious resentment and hostility, her attitude toward her mother was quite the opposite. The conscious aspects of her relationship with her mother involved bitter resentment and hostility, while the more hidden aspects of their relationship carried within them the seeds of a continual yearning for closeness and acceptance from her mother, and a deep-seated identification with her. 如果说卡伦对她父亲的态度是有意识的赞美和奉承，加上无意识的怨恨和敌意，那么她对母亲的态度则完全相反。她与母亲关系中有意识的方面包含着苦涩的怨恨和敌意，而他们关系中更隐蔽的方面则在他们的内心播下了对母亲的亲近和接纳的持续渴望的种子，以及对母亲根深蒂固的认同。 One subject which was particularly painful for Karen was the whole question of marriage. Karen's mother continually put pressure on her to get married, and seemed to propose marriage in such a way as to make it seem a panacea that, at least in her eyes, would resolve all of Karen's problems. Karen had a continual sense of frustration about this, since it was an important area in which mother seemed to have decided that she was a failure, and which represented an important disappointment for Karen in that it represented a signal area in which her mother failed to understand her. 对卡伦来说，一个特别痛苦的话题就是婚姻问题。卡伦的母亲不断地向她施压，要她结婚，母亲似乎把婚姻视为一种灵丹妙药，至少在她看来，可以解决卡伦所有的问题。卡伦对此有持续的挫败感,因为它是一个重要的领域,在这个领域母亲似乎已经认定她是一个失败,这对卡伦来说代表一个重要失望,因为它代表一个信号领域，在这个领域中她母亲没能理解她。 She felt that as a child she was overly punished and disciplined. The image of her father killing people was threatening to her, and she was terrified of the anger in her mother's face. Her mother's face was ugly and frightening. Her mother's voice had a ring of accusation in it that made her feel guilty, as though she had done something terribly wrong. She said, "She has a voice like an assault, like being slapped in the face, like striking you with words. It's frightening, hateful, her face gets distorted and ugly. I just didn't want to look at her and listen to her, shaking her finger at me like a witch. " She remembered as a child feeling shaky and nauseated, terrified of the punishment that she expected from her mother. She went on to say, "Now I punish myself to expiate the gods. It hurts less if I do it myself. I punish myself, but it's my parents inside—my guilt, everything is right or wrong and there is no reward for getting angry. There is only disapproval, like the hatred in my mother's face." 她觉得，作为一个孩子，她受到了过度的惩罚和纪律。父亲杀人的画面对她构成了威胁，她害怕母亲脸上的愤怒。她母亲的脸又丑又吓人。她母亲的声音里有一种谴责的声音，使她感到内疚，好像她做了什么错事似的。她说:“她的声音就像一场人身攻击，就像被人扇了一耳光，就像用言语攻击你。这是可怕的，可恶的，她的脸变得扭曲和丑陋。我只是不想看着她，听她说话，像女巫一样对我晃着手指。”她记得当她还是个孩子的时候，她感到颤抖和恶心，害怕母亲会惩罚她。她接着说:“现在我要惩罚自己去赎罪。如果我自己做就不会那么疼了。我惩罚自己，但这是我内部的父母——我的内疚，一切都是对的或错的，生气是没有回报的。只有不赞成，就像我母亲脸上的仇恨。” Karen's anger and resentment of her mother was very close to the surface and returned as a constant motif of the analysis. She frequently had fantasies of her mother's dying, but was offended and pained at the thought that her mother would be buried in her father's grave. The attack on her mother covered considerable ground. As Karen saw it, her mother was intent on doing the right thing regardless of the cost—particularly regardless of what it cost Karen in terms of pain and hurt. She resented having to be left so often with her mother when her father would go away. She took out her resentment on her mother. If Karen said one thing, she knew her mother would say the opposite, so that Karen could then condemn her mother's position. If Karen did not do what her mother wished her to do, it was as though Karen was doing it to hurt her mother, doing it against her. Thus her going to graduate school was something she did against her mother, and similarly not being married was something Karen did to her mother. 卡伦对母亲的愤怒和怨恨非常接近表面，并作为分析的一个永恒主题再次出现。她常常幻想她的母亲会死去，但是一想到她的母亲将被葬在她父亲的坟墓里，她就感到生气和痛苦。对她母亲的攻击涵盖了相当大的范围。正如卡伦所看到的，她的母亲决心要做正确的事情，而不顾代价——尤其是不顾卡伦所付出的痛苦和伤害。父亲要走了，她却不得不经常和母亲在一起，这使她很不高兴。她把怨气发泄在母亲身上。如果卡伦说了一件事，她知道她妈妈会说相反的话，这样卡伦就可以谴责她妈妈的立场。如果卡伦没有做她母亲希望她做的事，那就好像卡伦这样做是为了伤害她的母亲，与她作对。因此，读研究生是与母亲作对，同样，不结婚也是与母亲作对。 Mother was constantly on the scene, picking on her, criticizing her, watching her, always hovering and intrusive. Karen commented, "The years of her criticizing my clothing come back to haunt me. She doesn't do it anymore, but I do it for myself. I get irritated about such trivia. It didn't seem trivial when I was getting picked on though. I would have to dress under mymother's eagle eye, and I wanted to put her through the wall. If I got up at night to go to the bathroom, she'd jump up and want to know what was the matter." When I commented that mother's attitude seemed to always presume there was something the matter, Karen replied that was indeed a family trait, and that every time the phone rang her father was being shipped out somewhere. Karen found her mother's questions and inquiries intrusive and oppressive. She felt her mother was trying to run her life. Karen complained bitterly that her mother seemed to think that being a mother gave her a carte blanche to ride roughshod over Karen's feelings. 母亲总是在现场，挑她的毛病，批评她，看着她，总是在她身边徘徊，打扰她。卡伦评论道:“多年来她一直在批评我的衣服，这样的日子又回来萦绕着我。她不再这样做了，但我自己对自己这么做了[偏执者往往是小时候被母亲说多了，然后这个声音就总是萦绕在脑海里。偏执者往往会将这种声音投射在他人身上，认为他人在像母亲一样说自己]。我对这些琐事很生气。不过，当我被挑毛病的时候，这似乎并不是琐事。我必须在母亲锐利的目光下穿衣服，我想把她推出墙外。如果我晚上起来上厕所，她会跳起来想知道发生了什么事。”当我说母亲的态度似乎总是假定出了什么问题时，卡伦回答说，这确实是家族的特点，而且每次电话铃响的时候，她的父亲就会被送到别的地方去。卡伦觉得她母亲的问题和询问打扰她，让她感到压抑。她觉得她的母亲试图主宰她的生活。卡伦痛苦地抱怨说，她的母亲似乎认为做母亲给了她全权委托，可以践踏卡伦的感情。 In her anguish, Karen felt a strong urge to counterattack, to make her mother squirm and feel "shitty" as mother had so often made Karen feel by her accusations and criticisms. Particularly she wanted to rub her mother's nose in the sexual slime that Karen felt she was wallowing in. Referring to her arguments with her mother, Karen commented at one point: 在极度的痛苦中，卡伦有一种强烈的冲动想要反击，想要让她的母亲感到不安，想要让她感到“很屎”，就像母亲在通过指责和批评经常让卡伦感到的那样。她特别想在她母亲的鼻子上抹上一层性黏液，因为卡伦觉得她正在沉湎其中。谈到她和母亲的争吵，卡伦一度评论道: My mother just can't get out of her own narrow self to help me. She can't see that I don't mean to threaten her. The arguments are always either/or. If I'm right, she's wrong; and if she's right, I must be wrong. We both start from the wrong end. To establish me, I had to try to destroy whatever there was of her in me, including the middle-class morality, the bigotry, the Puritan morality, being the Desdemona, the judging and condemning, the priggishness etc. I set out to prove that I was right and she was wrong, I did everything a whore could do without becoming one. I was free of kids and other people's orders and demands, but somehow I felt wrong. 我母亲就是无法跳出她狭隘的自我来帮助我。她看不出来我不是有意威胁她。争论总是非此即彼。如果我是对的，她就是错的;如果她是对的，我一定是错的。我们都是从错误的方向开始的。为了做我自己，我不得不试着摧毁我身上属于她的东西,包括中产阶级的道德,固执,清教徒道德,成为苔丝狄蒙娜,评判和谴责,自命不凡，等等。我试着证明我是对的,她是错的,我不是妓女，但做了一个妓女能做的所有事。我没有孩子，也没有别人的命令和要求，但不知何故，我觉得自己错了。 Identification with the Victim. Not only did Karen carry within her her mother's hypocritical standards and superego attitudes, but particularly in reference to her view of herself as the excessively vulnerable woman and the self-sacrificing, suffering martyr, Karen was strongly identified with the figure of her mother. As the lineaments of this introjection became increasingly clear during the course of the analysis, Karen found it increasingly necessary to struggle against it and to resist my attempts to clarify this aspect of her personality. An important piece of work in the analysis was accomplished in Karen's being able to see that her threatened, defensive, and vulnerable self was based on this image of her mother. It was only when she was able to free herself of her dependence on her mother that she began to be able to see that it was possible to change this pattern of introjection, and thus to see that she was not as vulnerable as she might have thought, and that it was not so urging and pressing a need for her to protect and defend herself on so many fronts. 与受害者认同。卡伦不仅继承了她母亲虚伪的标准和超我的态度，尤其是在她认为自己是一个极其脆弱的女人，一个自我牺牲、受苦受难的殉道者时，她强烈地认同她母亲的形象。在分析的过程中，随着这种内摄的轮廓变得越来越清晰，卡伦发现越来越有必要与之斗争，抵制我试图阐明她性格的这一方面。分析中的一项重要工作是，卡伦能够看到她受到威胁、防御和脆弱的自我是基于她母亲的这一形象。只有当她能够免于依赖她的母亲,她才开始能够看到改变这种内摄模式是可能的,从而看出她不是像她以前想得那样脆弱，她才能看清在如此多的方面保护和防御自己并不是一个迫切的需求。 But there was underlying this introjective pattern a tremendous and powerful need to seek approval and to gain acceptance from her mother. Only reluctantly was she able to admit that she constantly sought her mother's approval, and that she had a great need for her mother to understand and accept her. She wanted her mother to care for her as she really was, but she always felt her mother cared for her only in terms of what her mother wanted her to be. When her mother told her she was disgusting or criticized her for minor things, she experienced a strong sense of disappointment and hurt. Even when her mother did not know about her activity, Karen worried about what mother would think of her. If mother knew about her sexual activity, for example, her mother would think she was a slut. Karen wanted her mother to like and approve of her for what she was but she was convinced that if mother knew what she was, she would be disgusted and disapproving. Paradoxically, of course, Karen set out to provoke that disapproval and rejection from her mother that she simultaneously dreaded with such intensity. 但在这种内摄模式的背后，隐藏着一种巨大而强烈的需要，那就是寻求母亲的认可和接受。她只能勉强承认，她一直在寻求母亲的认可，她非常需要母亲理解并接受她。她希望她的母亲关心真实的自己，但是她总是觉得她的母亲只关心她母亲希望她成为什么样的人。当她的母亲告诉她，她很恶心，或为小事情批评她，她感到强烈的失望和伤害。即使妈妈不知道她在做什么，卡伦也担心妈妈会怎么看她。例如，如果母亲知道她的性行为，她的母亲会认为她是一个荡妇。卡伦想让她的母亲喜欢和认可她真实的样子，但她相信，如果母亲知道她是什么样的人，她会感到厌恶和不满。当然，自相矛盾的是，卡伦着手激惹起她母亲的反对和拒绝，而她同时又非常害怕这种反对和拒绝。 An interesting aspect of Karen's relationship with her mother was expressed in terms of her relationships with her relatives. There was a decisivesplit between the two sides of the family. In Karen's eyes her father's family could do no wrong. They were sympathetic, understanding, and responsive. Her attitudes towards her mother's family were diametrically opposite. She set herself up in angry opposition to them and rejected everything they stood for. She saw them as selfish, insensitive, inconsiderate, uncaring and unresponsive, prejudiced, bigoted, snobbish, materialistic, etc. In setting herself in opposition to them, it was clear she invited their criticism and attack, but then felt embittered, deprived, betrayed, and victimized by this treatment. 卡伦与母亲关系中一个有趣的方面是她与亲戚的关系。这个家庭的两方发生了决定性的分裂。在卡伦眼里，她父亲的家庭是不会做错事的。他们富有同情心，善解人意，反应敏捷。她对母亲家庭的态度完全相反。她愤怒地反对他们，拒绝他们所主张的一切。她认为他们自私、麻木不仁、不体谅人、漠不关心、反应迟钝、有偏见、固执、势利、物质至上，等等。很明显，她把自己与他们对立起来，招致了他们的批评和攻击，但随后却感到痛苦、被剥夺、被背叛，并成为这种待遇的受害者。 As she saw it the only terms on which she could tolerate the family or be tolerated by them was complete conformity to their expectations and demands. This she staunchly and vigorously rejected. Their expectations were strikingly close to her mother's. They expected her to get married—preferably to a doctor, or at least a lawyer. They also expected her to fulfill the traditional role of the woman: the housekeeping, baby-making slave. Karen recounted with considerable anger and bitterness how her uncle had said to her on one occasion that she could give up this nonsense of getting a Ph.D. and go out and get herself an MRS. 在她看来，她能容忍这个家庭或被他们容忍的唯一条件就是完全符合他们的期望和要求。这一点她坚决地拒绝了。他们的期望与她母亲惊人地接近。他们希望她结婚——最好是嫁给医生，或者至少是律师。他们还希望她能履行传统的女性角色:做家务、生孩子的奴隶。卡伦非常气愤和痛苦地回忆起有一次她舅舅对她说，她可以放弃攻读博士学位的荒唐念头，出去让自己成为一个某某太太。太。 It gradually became clear that the issues with mother's family and with mother were identical, and that Karen's difficulties in relating to men were in part caught up in the struggle against the expectations of mother and her family that she be the sort of woman that they expected her to be. 渐渐清晰了，与母亲的家庭的问题，跟与母亲的问题，是相同的,而卡伦跟男人发展关系的困难部分是因为卷入了与母亲及母亲家人对抗的努力之中，她们希望她成为她们期望她成为的那种女人。