Subjugation in the Analysis 分析中的征服 The obvious reference for many of these feelings was the analytic situation and particularly Karen's relation to me. With reference to the analysis, she observed, "I'm so afraid to be limited, I feel I have to fight back. I'm afraid of being made to feel I've done something wrong, of being boring, or just skimming, not being good enough. I just can't take the criticism." I commented that she seemed to feel that I would criticize her, and she replied, 对这些感觉的明显参考是分析情境，特别是卡伦和我的关系。谈到分析，她说，“我很害怕受到限制，我觉得我必须反击。我害怕被弄得感觉到自己做错了什么，害怕自己很无聊，害怕自己只是敷衍了事，害怕自己不够好。我就是受不了批评。” 我说她似乎觉得我会批评她，她回答说， How could you not? You have been informed of my wrongdoings, that I am disgusting—that's my mother's word. I want to please everybody, and I can't stand people thinking negatively about me. I wanted to be respected and liked, but compliments are embarrassing. I feel I maneuver people into giving them. But I didn't enjoy being told that I was disgusting—particularly for things I did on my own, especially for sex. I was proud of my liberated self, of being guiltless, of being as good as she (mother) thought, but for different reasons. But I have to submit myself to gain approval. 你怎么能不呢?你已经知道我做错了什么，我很讨厌——这是我母亲的话。我想取悦所有人，我不能忍受人们对我的负面看法。我想被尊重和喜欢，但赞美是令人尴尬的。我觉得我能说服人们给予赞美。但我不喜欢被人说我讨厌——尤其是我自己做的事情，尤其是性。我为自己的解放而自豪，为自己的无罪而自豪，为自己像她(母亲)所想的那样好而自豪，但原因却不尽相同。但我必须服从自己才能得到赞成。 I wondered whether she felt she had to submit herself in the analysis. "No, I'm not submitting, but you're Madame DeFarge sitting there and enjoying the spectacle." I observed that she somehow presumed that she was a spectacle and that I enjoyed it. "I want to be a spectacle. I want to be noticed." And I agreed indeed that there was something in her that wanted to make a spectacle of herself, but at the same time, wanted to have a Madame DeFarge sitting and maliciously enjoying the spectacle. She bitterly observed, then, that she felt maligned and rejected, just a little girl looking to be "shat on," going to a shrink five times a week to make sure that she was maligned and ill-treated, playing perversely in the shit. She then addedangrily, "I won't buy that it's all my fault,I'm not a raving paranoid." She referred to the analysis somewhat bitterly as "picking at myself." Later on she commented, 我好奇她是否觉得必须在分析中屈服。“不，我不是屈服，但你是德伐日太太，坐在那儿欣赏着这场面。”我注意到，不知怎的，她认为自己是一个奇葩，而我很喜欢。“我想成为一个奇葩。我想被注意。”我的确同意她有一种想让自己成为奇葩的冲动，但同时又想让德伐日太太坐在那儿，恶意地欣赏这个奇葩。然后，她痛苦地说到，她觉得自己受到了诋毁和拒绝，就像一个小女孩，期待“被在身上拉屎”，每周去心理医生那里五次，以确保自己受到了诋毁和虐待，在狗屎里倔强地玩耍。然后她又轻蔑地补充说:“我不相信这都是我的错，我不是一个胡言乱语的偏执狂。”她有些尖刻地把这种分析称为“挑剔自己”。后来她评论道， A lot of things are coming together here. I asked for help ahd it was denied, and I' ll never ask again. Help is not going to come. I turn against the person I feel pulled toward. I've turned against the analysis and it's machination. I never thought childhood would elicit these responses. I was kicked and taught to say, "Thank you." Thanks for the obstacles, thanks for the difficulties, thanks for the pain. I take it as a putdown, if people make it easy or are nice to me. 这里有很多事情都在发生。我请求帮助，但被拒绝了，我再也不会请求帮助了。援助是不会来的。我转而反对我觉得被拉向的那个人。我转而反对这种分析，这是一种阴谋。我从未想过童年会引起这些反应。我被踢了一脚，并被教导着说:“谢谢你。”感谢障碍，感谢困难，感谢痛苦。如果人们让这件事变得容易或者对我好，我就把它当作一种贬低。 And again, 再一次, I was listening to a doctor talk about his patients, and it made my skin crawl. Does psychoanalysis exist to service people, or do people exist to service psychoanalytic concepts? You just don't discard the patient if he doesn't fit the hypothesis. It's science against the individual, and the categories seem more important than the people... Doctors are not bound to preserve confidences but lawyers are. I would never tell my uncle anything. I think about doctors joking about patients—the more you know the more ways you can hurt me. And I just don't hand people weapons to hurt me. 我正在听一位医生谈论他的病人，这让我毛骨悚然。精神分析是为服务于人而存在，还是人为服务于精神分析概念而存在?如果病人不符合假设，你就不要抛弃他。这是针对个人的科学，分类似乎比人更重要……医生不一定要保守秘密，但律师可以。我永远不会告诉我叔叔任何事。我想到医生拿病人开玩笑——你知道的越多，你伤害我的方式就越多。我只是不给他人武器来伤害我。