Vulnerability 脆弱性 But at a deeper level, a level that was deeply repressed and denied, there was a pervasive sense of feminine inadequacy and vulnerability. She felt herself to be contaminated and dirty, and had a deep sense of outrage at what she called her biological self. She complained of her genitals as dirty and messy. She saw herself as victimized, and maintained an abiding sense of outrage on account of it. As she saw it, women always got the brown end of the stick. It was their lot to be "shat on" and taken advantage of. She got into a bitter argument with her department vice-chairman about who would make a pot of coffee. She refused to make the coffee just because "that officious SOB chauvinist "thought making coffee was women's work. She struggled against anything that would suggest that women were in any way inferior, or for that matter even different. 但在更深的层次上，在一个被深深压抑和否定的层次上，存在着一种普遍的女性不足和脆弱感。她觉得自己被污染、肮脏，对她所谓的“生物自我”深感愤慨。她抱怨她的生殖器又脏又乱。她认为自己是受害者，因此一直感到愤怒。在她看来，女人总是抓到有屎的一端[女人总是吃亏的意思。古人大便后，用棍子刮屁股。]。“被在身上拉屎”和被利用，是她们的命运。她和系里的副主任就谁来煮一壶咖啡展开了激烈的争论。她拒绝煮咖啡，只是因为“那个爱管闲事的哭鼻子沙文主义者”认为煮咖啡是女人的工作。她竭力反对任何暗示女人不行，或者不同的东西。 The threat of vulnerability ran through all of her thinking about sex and its meaning in her life. When she was making love with a man, she regarded him as in control of the situation, so there was no other course forher but to be vulnerable and subjugated. But yet she found herself perversely attracted to such subjugation. She commented that she was attracted to men who treated her harshly and insensitively. She commented, "A brute is attractive. If he beats you over the head with a stiff penis and drags you to bed, you know he wants you." She felt in general that she allowed the man to be the center of the relationship, and saw herself as hovering on the periphery. What he wanted and needed in the relationship took precedence over what she wanted and needed, just as in her parents' relationship it seemed that her father was the center and her mother took a subordinate position. She felt there was no alternative in this paradigm, she could only be a Desdemona. 脆弱的威胁贯穿了她对性及其在生活中的意义的所有思考。当她和一个男人做爱的时候，她把他看作是控制局面的人，所以除了脆弱和被征服，她别无他法。但是她却发现自己被这种征服所吸引。她评论说，她被那些对她粗暴、冷漠的男人所吸引。她说:“畜生很有吸引力。如果他用坚硬的阴茎打你的头，把你拖上床，你就知道他想要你。”总的来说，她觉得她让男人成为了这段关系的中心，而自己却徘徊在边缘。在这段关系中，他想要什么和需要什么比她想要什么和需要什么更重要，就像在她父母的关系中，父亲是中心，母亲处于从属地位。她觉得在这种模式中没有别的选择，她只能成为苔丝狄蒙娜[《奥瑟罗》中的人物。在第四幕和第五幕中，苔丝狄蒙娜的性格似乎发生了巨大的变化，最初的那个勇敢镇定、口齿伶俐的女子完全消失了，面对奥瑟罗的辱骂指责，她表现出更多的是懦弱。她似乎变得越来越无力反抗，只是一味的忍让和原谅。她把一切归咎于“自己命薄”。]。 Her only recourse to deal with this situation was to turn off her feelings, so that she became isolated and frigid. She put it in terms of a particular reference for herself, commenting that the person who drives is always the one who is in the center. This related to her image of driving fast sports cars as a masculine activity. She even preferred a regulation stick-shift because that gave her a sense of power and control. The phallic reference was transparent. 面对这种情况，她唯一的办法就是关闭自己的感情，使自己变得孤立和冷淡。她把这种办法放在一种对自己特殊的指征表述中[这句我不知道该怎么翻译]，评论说开车的人总是坐在车中央的那个人。这与她将驾驶跑车视为男性活动的形象有关。她甚至更喜欢改变规则，因为这给了她一种权力感和控制感。阴茎指征是透明的。 In Karen's mind, the feminine was identified with the hysterical, weak, helpless, whimpering, and crying female. She made it quite clear that she would not allow herself to see herself in those terms. Yet she feared her weakness, her emotionality, and her sensitivity. She could admit that there was a lot that she might want to cry about, but crying was weakness. It meant exposure, nudity, a lack of control. She could recognize that she wasn't really as independent and self-sufficient as she tried to make people believe. But her parents had made her submit, and she felt weak and helpless with them. They said, "Do as I say." There was no way to fight back. To get anything she had to beg on her knees, and when she got anything on her own it wasn't worth anything because it was without their approval. To have a relationship to a man, she felt she had to be an incompetent nitwit. Any relationship had to be based on her being crippled. As she put it, "Being feminine in this society is being a cripple, and I just can't do that." 在卡伦的心目中，女人就是歇斯底里、软弱、无助、呜咽和哭泣的女人。她很明确地表示，她不会允许自己用这种方式来看待自己。然而她害怕她的软弱，她的情绪化，她的敏感。她可以承认有很多事情她可能想哭，但哭是软弱的表现。这意味着暴露，裸露，缺乏控制。她能意识到，她并不是真的像她试图让人们相信的那样独立和自给自足。但是她的父母迫使她屈服，她在他们面前感到软弱和无助。他们说:“照我说的去做。”没有办法反击。为了得到任何东西，她不得不跪着乞求，而当她自己得到任何东西时，却一文不值，因为没有得到他们的同意。为了和一个男人交往，她觉得自己必须是个无能的笨蛋。任何关系都必须以她的残疾为基础。正如她所言，“在这个社会中，女性化是一种残障，而我就是做不到。” The prototype of feminine weakness was the character of Desdemona—the sweet, insipid, helpless female who needed to be protected by the strong, capable male. Karen protested, "That's what I'm not. I don't want to be protected and lied to. It implies weakness... you've got to be tough to gain respect." 女性软弱的原型是苔丝狄蒙娜的性格——甜美、平淡、无助的女性，需要坚强、能干的男性的保护。卡伦抗议道:“那不是我。我不想被保护和欺骗。这意味着软弱…要想赢得尊重，你必须很坚强。” The predominant element in her fears was the fear that if she allowed herself to be treated as a woman, then men would not treat her as anything else, that she would be reduced to a least common denominator. At times she felt desperate about meeting new men, and tried a variety of ways of accomplishing this, including enlisting herself in a computer dating program. But she felt this was prostituting herself, She thought it was like putting herself on display in a meat market, selling herself and consequently demeaning herself. She complained, "I have to be an individual. I hate the image of the Marlboro man, the protector of women—the man who defends a woman's chastity is a fink. I want to be different from the rest of women. I don't like what being a woman means. You turn them upside down and they' re all the same. And I hate that!" 她恐惧的主要因素是害怕，如果她允许自己被当作一个女人来对待，那么男人就不会把她当作别的东西来对待，她就会沦为最平凡的人。有时，她对结识新男人感到绝望，于是尝试了各种各样的方法来达到这个目的，包括报名参加一个电脑约会程序。但她觉得这是在卖淫，她认为这就像在肉类市场上展示自己，出卖自己，从而贬低自己。她抱怨道:“我必须成为一个独立的人。我讨厌万宝路男人的形象，女人的保护者——保护女人贞操的男人是个骗子。我想和其他女人不一样。我不喜欢做女人意味着什么。你把它们颠倒过来，它们还是一样的。我讨厌那样!” One significant area in which her feelings of being demeaned and reduced to a least common denominator were particularly provoked was that of having a pelvic examination. She commented that she felt exposed and helpless. It reminded her of the feeling of fright and vulnerability that she had when her tonsils were taken out. It was like being attacked from behind. She felt anxious and paranoid when she was not able to see what was behind her. Moreover, when a woman is on her back she gets screwed. In the examination, Karen felt as though she were being raped, as though it were an effacement, a reduction and violation of her individuality. It was an indignity, a humiliation, and it removed the aura of feminine mystery. She became just another body. She wanted to be treated as an individual, but she felt as though she were being treated as another block of meat. As we shall see later on, this attitude toward the internal examination was one that became quickly transferred to the analytic situation, where she was forced to lie down in a position of vulnerability, where she could be easily screwed, and where she had to fear the hidden attack from an unseen persecutor. 在一个重要的领域，她那被贬低和约减为最平凡的人的感觉会被特别激起，这就是盆腔检查。她说她感到暴露和无助。这使她想起扁桃体切除时的那种恐惧和脆弱。就像被人从后面袭击一样。当她看不见自己背后的东西时，她感到焦虑和偏执。而且，当一个女人仰面躺着的时候，她就被艹了。在检查中，卡伦觉得自己好像被强奸了，好像这是对她个性的抹杀、贬低和侵犯。这是一种侮辱，一种耻辱，消除了女性神秘的光环。她变成了另一个躯体。她想被当作一个独立的个体来对待，但她觉得自己好像被当成了另一块肉。稍后我们将看到,对内部检查的这种态度,很快就转移到分析情境,她被迫躺在一个脆弱的地方，在那里她很容易被艹，在那里她不得不害怕一个看不见的迫害者的隐藏的攻击。