Developmental Matrix 发展环境 The circumstances of Bob's early experience growing up in this family were determined by the combined pathologies of both parents, as well as by the fact that he was the only male child. His two sisters fared much better than he. They were both bright, attractive women who married well and were successfully engaged in the business of raising their respective families. Bob's relations with the older sister were more competitive than close. His relations with the younger girl were closer and more affectionate, although a certain amount of competitiveness was detectable there as well. Bob constantly felt himself being measured against both his sisters—more so with the older than with the younger. If he felt close to anyone in the family it was with his younger sister. 鲍勃在这个家庭中成长的早期经历是由父母的病态共同决定的，也由他是唯一的男孩这一事实决定的。他的两个姐姐过得比他好得多。她们都是聪明、有魅力的女人，婚姻美满，成功地经营着各自的家庭。鲍勃和较大的姐姐的关系与其说是亲密，不如说是竞争关系。他和那个较小姐姐的关系更密切，更亲密，尽管也可以看出有一定程度的竞争。鲍勃总是觉得自己被拿来跟两个姐姐比较——大的比小的多。如果说他觉得和家里的什么人亲近，那就是和他较小的姐姐。 In any case, the burden of being the male child fell on him. His father wanted him to be a tough, scrappy kid who wouldn't let anybody push him around and who wouldn't back down from a fight. He wanted a son of whom he could be proud on his own terms—terms of toughness, aggressiveness, competitiveness, and physical prowess. Bob was none of these and thus he became a disappointment to his father. The father had no sympathy for his fears and unwillingness to fight. Bob was left with an intense desire to gain closeness and approval from the father, a desire that was to be continually and repeatedly frustrated. 无论如何，做男孩的重担落在了他的身上。他的父亲希望他成为一个坚强、好斗的孩子，不让任何人摆布他，在战斗中不退缩。他想要一个能让他以自己的方式感到骄傲的儿子——在强硬、进取心、竞争力和体魄方面。鲍勃不属于这一类，因此他的父亲对他很失望。父亲不同情他的恐惧与不愿意打架。鲍勃强烈地渴望从父亲那里获得亲近和认可，但这种渴望却一再遭到挫败。 The father became a feared—but intensely desired—object. The ambivalence in this relationship—from the very early times in Bob's experience—was intense. It is difficult to imagine this father ever being able to engage in loving and mutually satisfying play with Bob, even as a baby. In the years that Bob could remember there was never any time spent with his father, never any play, never any moments of mutual contact and enjoyment. His relation with his father was always one of trying to satisfy the father out of fear of the latter's disapproval—and never being able to do so. Bob's wish to become more like his father was contaminated by his ambivalence. The inner striving to become more like the parent—or derivatively to become more like he wanted him to be—was subverted. The possibilities for positive and ego-building identifications were minimized. The father could not be admired, loved, or imitated. He had also to be feared and hated in large measure. The striving to be like father had to take a defensive turn, as a protection against the threat of punitive destructiveness from the parent. If Bob could be more like father he could gain the latter's approval and avoid his punitive wrath and despising rejection. 父亲成了一个令人恐惧——但又强烈渴望——的对象。在这段关系中——从鲍勃经历的早期开始——矛盾心理是强烈的。很难想象这位父亲能够与鲍勃一起玩充满爱和双方都满意的游戏，即使是在他还是个婴儿的时候。在鲍勃的记忆中，他从来没有和父亲一起度过任何时光，从来没有玩耍，从来没有任何相互接触和享受的时刻。他和父亲的关系总是一种试图满足父亲的关系，因为他害怕父亲不同意——但从来没能做到。鲍勃想要变得更像他父亲的愿望被他的矛盾心理所污染。内心想要变得更像他的父母的努力，或者从派生的角度想要变得更像他希望他成为的样子 的努力被颠覆了。积极的和用于构建自我的认同的可能性被最小化。父亲不能被崇拜，被爱，也不能被模仿。在很大程度上，他也不得不让人又怕又恨。像父亲的努力 不得不采取防御性的转变，作为对来自父母的惩罚性破坏性威胁的保护。如果鲍勃能更像父亲，他就能得到父亲的认可，避免他的惩罚性愤怒和轻视的拒绝。