College Years 大学时代 Clare's college experience was not altogether a happy one. She attended a fashionable women's college. There were not many boys around and consequently dates were few. She maintained a tenuous relationship with the boy who had been an unsteady dating friend during high school years—this was the young man with whom she became sexually involved at the time of her first decompensation. The relationship was not very close however. Her relationships at the school were highly emotional and labile. She had few close friends, and, in the few relationships she had, the feelings were intense if extremely variable. She was sensitive to the least indication of hostile feelings from the other girls and was constantly testing her friends to see whether they still liked her or not. She became intensely jealous of friendships her friends might have with other girls. When she felt slighted or rejected—a prominent reaction on her part—she would become morose and depressed, have angry thoughts of destroying the dormitory or the school, or of terrible things happening to the people who were the present objects of her iealous rage and disappointment. She would withdraw from any contact with people, spending long hours in bed or in her room reading and immersing herself in fantasies. 克莱尔的大学生活并不完全是快乐的。她上了一所时装女子学院。周围的男孩不多，因此约会的人也就很少。她和这个男孩保持着一种脆弱的关系，这个男孩在高中时是一个不稳定的约会朋友——在她第一次失代偿期，她和这个男孩发生了性关系。然而，这种关系并不十分密切。她在学校里的关系是高度情绪化和不稳定的。她几乎没有什么亲密的朋友，在她仅有的几段关系中，她的感情虽然极为多变，但却十分强烈。她对其他女孩表现出的一点点敌对情绪都很敏感，并不断地考验她的朋友们，看他们是否还喜欢她。她非常嫉妒她的朋友可能和其他女孩交朋友。当她感到被轻视或被拒绝时——这是她的一个突出反应——她就会变得郁郁寡欢、精神不振，有一种要毁掉宿舍或学校的愤怒想法，或者想到那些现在成为她愤怒和失望对象的人身上发生的可怕事情。她会远离与人的任何接触，长时间躺在床上或房间里看书，沉浸在幻想中。 Her relationships with her family at this time were not good. One of her reasons for going to school away from home was to get away from them and their influence. There was a rebelliousness and recalcitrance to her general behavior. She dressed sloppily and conducted herself in a manner so as to affront her parents' expectations. Her father was particularly angered and displeased by this behavior, or at least made his anger and displeasure more apparent. When she came home for visits there would be angry confrontations. While she was at school he would write angry and accusatory lettersto her, scolding and berating her for her behavior, for her lackadaisical attitude, for her less than satisfactory academic performance, her friends, etc., etc. The letters would come and Clare would let them sit on her dresser for days, afraid to open them. She knew very well what they would contain, but she had difficulty in facing the angry and horrible feelings they stirred in her. She would usually wait until she felt in a somewhat better mood, and then open a letter with gritted teeth. 这个时候她和家人的关系并不好。她离家上学的原因之一是为了远离他们和他们的影响。她的一般行为带有一种反叛和顽抗。她穿得很邋遢，行为举止也不符合她父母的期望。她的父亲对这种行为尤其生气和不高兴，或者至少使他的愤怒和不满更加明显。当她回家探视时，会有愤怒的对抗。当她在学校的时候，他会给她写愤怒和指责的信，责骂她的行为，她的懒散的态度，她不满意的学业成绩，她的朋友，等等，等等。这些信会寄来，克莱尔会把它们放在梳妆台上好几天，不敢打开。她很清楚这些信里都写些什么，但是她很难面对这些信在她心里激起的愤怒和可怕的感情。她通常会等到心情稍微好一点的时候，再咬着牙打开一封信。