Paranoid Core 偏执内核 During the major portions of the time Clare and I worked together, the paranoid elements in her pathology continued to assert themselves. She lived a guarded, suspicious, and mildly persecutory existence. She had constantly to struggle with ideas of reference, thoughts that people were staring at her, criticizing her, thinking evil thoughts about her, etc. The sexual area was a particularly difficult one in this regard. She would walk through the park on a summer day, and feel that the men there were staring at her, having sexual thoughts about her, that they would follow her and molest her. She would become anxious and fearful. On one occasion she was returning home from work and night and was followed for a short distance by a man. She went into a paroxysm of fear and anxiety and her imagination ran riot with fantasies of rape, sexual attack, and murder. 在克莱尔和我一起工作的大部分时间里，她的病态中偏执的成分一直在发挥作用。她过着一种戒备森严、多疑而又略带迫害的生活。她必须不断地与牵连观念[所谓牵连观念，指将无关的外界现象解释为与本人有关，而且往往是恶意的，可成为妄想的先兆。牵连观念，自我援引，这两种用法差不多一个意思。其中“牵连”和“援引”都来自英语单词reference]作斗争，所谓牵连观念，即人们在盯着她看、在批评她、对她有邪恶想法。在这方面，性领域是一个特别困难的领域。夏天的一天，她会穿过公园，觉得那里的男人在盯着她看，对她有性的想法，他们会跟着她，骚扰她。她会变得焦虑和害怕。有一次，她晚上下班回家，一个男人跟在她后面走了一小段路。她陷入一阵恐惧和焦虑之中，她的想象中充满了强奸、性侵犯和谋杀的幻想。 She visited her parents at one point during the treatment. When she returned, she reported several episodes when her fears of attack and of being killed were overwhelming. Driving one night with a boyfriend, she became terrified of his driving, feeling that he wanted to kill her. At the same time, she began having dreams about her father coming into her room and trying to kill her. One night in particular, she stayed up nearly the whole night paralyzed with the fear that he would come bursting through her bedroom door to beat and kill her. She even pushed the bed in front of the locked door, and spent the night sitting in a chair watching the door. Such beating fantasies are not without significance as we shall see. 在治疗期间，她曾去探望过父母。当她回来的时候，她报告了几次当她对被袭击和杀害的恐惧压倒一切时的情景。一天晚上，她和男朋友开车，她开始害怕他开车，觉得他想杀了她。与此同时，她开始梦见父亲走进她的房间，想要杀了她。特别是有一天晚上，她几乎整夜没睡，生怕他会冲进她卧室的门来打她，杀了她。她甚至把床推到锁着的门前，整晚坐在椅子上看着门。我们将看到，这种殴打幻想并非没有意义。 Even when things were going well for her and she felt well, something could happen to plunge her into a spasm of paranoid anxieties. One of her friends was a young man who was given to taking acid. They were sharing an apartment with some other friends. Clare objected to his taking acid and to some of his other behavior. She told him to leave and there was an unpleasant exchange. Clare became quite upset, 他 with fears that he would break into the apartment and try to kill her. She took a knife with her to bed as a protective measure. She felt so horrible that she wanted to cut herself again. 即使事情对她来说很顺利，她感觉很好，也可能会发生一些事情，让她陷入偏执焦虑的发作。她的一个朋友是一个嗑药的年轻人。他们和其他一些朋友合租一套公寓。克莱尔反对他服用迷幻药和其他一些行为。她叫他离开，于是发生了一场不愉快的争吵。克莱尔变得非常不安，担心自己会闯进房间，试图杀死她。她睡觉时带了把刀作为保护措施。她感到如此可怕，她想再次割伤自己。