Relationship to Women 与女性的关系 At the point at which Don came into treatment with me, he was already set on a course of improvement. He had decided to come back to school and to try his luck once again. 当唐开始接受我的治疗时，他已经开始了好转的过程。他决定回到学校，再碰碰运气。 As his schoolwork progressed he gradually convinced himself that he would be able to make the grade. He finally settled into an area of creative work which offered a wide scope for his talents and which he felt was sufficiently challenging and creative to satisfy him as a career. He became considerably more comfortable with this direction of his life and began to enjoy some significant successes. As he was making progress along these professional lines, he began to struggle with his sexuality. It was important in his mind that he make it with girls; this was a critical area for him for establishing and demonstrating his masculinity and adequacy. He acquired a girl friend—Judy—and gradually became more involved with her. He felt self-conscious and ill at ease with girls. He felt awkward and stupid in trying to meet them. Mixers were a torture for him. He was constantly haunted by the fear that if he tried to introduce himself to a girl she would laugh at him and reject him. As he put it, he would be "shot down or treated like shit." 随着学业的进展，他逐渐使自己相信他能及格。他最终进入了一个创造性的工作领域，这个领域为他的才华提供了广阔的施展空间，他觉得这个工作具有足够的挑战性和创造性，足以满足他的职业需求。他对自己的生活方向越来越适应，并开始享受一些重大的成功。当他在这些职业道路上取得进展时，他开始与自己的性能力作斗争。在他看来，和姑娘们搞好关系是很重要的；这是他建立和展示他的男子气概和能力的关键领域。他交了一个女朋友——朱迪——并逐渐和她更加亲密了。他觉得不自在，和女孩子在一起不自在。他觉得去见他们既尴尬又愚蠢。聚会对他来说是一种折磨。他一直被一种恐惧所困扰，害怕如果他试图向一个女孩介绍自己，她会嘲笑他并拒绝他。就像他说的，他会“被击落，或者像狗屎一样对待”。 As his relationship with Judy developed, he became increasingly fond of her. He was frightened of sexual activity, but wanted desperately to have it. He was afraid of getting "too physical," afraid of imposing something on her that she might not want, afraid of going to bed; he complained of how embarrassed and ashamed and self-conscious he felt about taking off his clothes in front of a girl. Little by little, however, he advanced toward a deeper and more involved relationship; first petting, then he went to bed with her without intercourse, then intercourse, then they decided to live together. This was a major step for him, because he felt that it involved a commitment on his part that he was afraid of making and uncertain as to whether he wanted to make it. Living with a girl seemed to be a terribly adult thing to do and he was not sure that he could handle it. 随着他和朱迪关系的发展，他越来越喜欢她。他对性行为感到害怕，但又非常想拥有它。他害怕变得“过于身体接触”，害怕强加给她一些她可能不想要的东西，害怕上床；他抱怨说，在一个女孩面前脱衣服让他感到多么尴尬、羞愧和难为情。然而，他一点一点地发展了一种更深层次、更亲密的关系；先是爱抚，然后他和她上床，没有性交，然后性交，然后他们决定住在一起。这对他来说是重要的一步，因为他觉得这涉及到他害怕做出的承诺，也不确定自己是否想要做出承诺。和一个女孩住在一起似乎是一件非常成年人的事情，他不确定自己是否能处理好。 His feelings about intercourse were mixed. He was afraid of it because he felt it was an aggressive act. He was afraid of hurting Judy—but also afraid of being hurt. He gradually overcame these fears and increasingly the issues shifted from his concerns over the sexual act to his concerns over his relationship with Judy. She was talking marriage, but he was hesitant. He feared the commitment of a more permanent relationship. The idea of really loving her frightened him. It made him feel his vulnerability more intensely. If he allowed himself to love her, he could be hurt. Because he had had intercourse with her, he felt that he had some obligations to her—that he owed her something. He felt much closer and much more involved with Judy than with the previous girl friend, who had broken off their relationship before his breakdown. He had felt that loss intensely, judging that it was a terrible defeat for him, that it proved his inadequacy and impotency, proved that he couldn't make it with girls. 他对性交的看法是复杂的。他很害怕，因为他觉得这是一种攻击行为。他害怕伤害朱迪——但也害怕被伤害。他逐渐克服了这些恐惧，问题逐渐从他对性行为的担忧转变为他对与朱迪关系的担忧。她谈婚论嫁，但他犹豫了。他害怕承诺一种更长久的关系。一想到真爱她，他就害怕。这使他更加强烈地感到自己的脆弱。如果他允许自己去爱她，他可能会受到伤害。因为他和她发生过性关系，他觉得他对她有某种义务——他欠她一些东西。他觉得和朱蒂比和前女友更亲近，更有感情，前女友在他崩溃前就和他分手了。他强烈地感受到了这种失败，认为这对他来说是一次可怕的失败，证明了他的不足和无能，证明了他无法和女孩子相处。 Discussion of these losses carried him back to the loss of his mother. Discussion of that critical loss formed an early focus of his therapy. He recounted her death and its aftermath in detail. At first there was a considerable amount of sad and remorseful affect, but this seemed to diminish the more we talked about it. This phase of his treatment seemed to provide an essential turning point. Gradually he was able to talk about his resentment against his mother—for overprotecting him, making him so dependent on her and finally for dying. He was able to explore his feelings of guilt and responsibility for her death. This seemed to offer him considerable relief and release. He began to function better and started making significant therapeutic progress. My impression had been that his inability to face some of his feelings about his mother and her death had placed a serious impediment to his emotional development. It seemed as though in the course of exploring and sharing these feelings a block had been removed—and the ensuing growth was striking. 对这些损失的讨论使他想起了失去母亲的事。对这一重大损失的讨论形成了他治疗的早期重点。他详细叙述了她的死亡及其后果。起初，有一种相当多的悲伤和悔恨的情绪，但随着我们谈论得越多，这种情绪似乎就越少。这一阶段的治疗似乎提供了一个重要的转折点。渐渐地，他能够谈论他对母亲的怨恨——母亲对他的过度保护，使他如此依赖母亲，最后，她还去世了。他能够探索自己对她的死的罪恶感和责任。这似乎给了他很大的安慰和解脱。他的功能开始好转，并开始取得显著的治疗进展。我的印象是，他无法面对自己对母亲和母亲去世的一些感受，这严重阻碍了他的情感发展。貌似在探索和分享这些感受的过程中，一块障碍被移除了——随之而来的成长是惊人的。