The Lure of Failure 失败的诱惑 If we reexamine in this light the circumstances surrounding his decompensation which seemed to have served as precipitating factors, we can see that his psychic reserves were under attack from many sides. His academic difficulties—the first time in his academic career that he had ever experienced any problems at all—were a signal of his inadequacy and a fulfillment of his father's prediction. His loss of his girl friend was an assault on his sense of masculine adequacy and served to undermine his sense of capacity to function away from his family. That loss may well also have revived the sense of loss from his mother's death that had never been resolved. Moreover, his father's stroke undoubtedly activated his feelings of guilt and responsibility for the illness and for the specter of impending death that it brought with it. His murderous and hateful wishes for his father's death stemmed from early levels of his child's mind, and these very wishes had made his departure from home and father all the more difficult. 如果我们从这个角度重新审视与他的失代偿有关的情况，这些情况似乎是促成他失代偿的因素，我们就可以看出他的精神储备受到了多方面的攻击。他在学业上的困难——这是他学术生涯中第一次遇到任何问题——是他能力不足的信号，也是他父亲预言的实现。他失去了女朋友，这打击了他的男子气概，削弱了他脱离家庭生活的能力。这一损失很可能也重新唤起了他母亲去世后一直没有解决的失落感。此外，他父亲的中风无疑激发了他的罪恶感和对疾病的责任感，以及对疾病带来的迫在眉睫的死亡的恐惧。他对父亲谋杀性的、仇恨性的愿望来自于他孩童心灵的早期阶段，正是这些愿望使他离开家并使父亲更加困难。 Don felt that there was something self-destructive in the pattern of events that had led him to the hospital. It was as though something in him pushed him in the direction of fulfilling his father's dire predictions. It was as though some part of him wanted to prove once and for all that he was indeed a helpless, dependent, inadequate, vulnerable little child who couldn't make it on his own. It was as though his breakdown were a way of casting his failure in his father's face. It was a way of expressing all the hate and rage that he had felt for so long, but which he could never dare to bring himself to express. He could never express it because he felt it would destroy his father—kill him. He recalled bitterly how, when he first saw his sister after his hospitalization, she accosted him with the question, "How could you do this to your father?" He felt that in attacking his father he was only confirming and consolidating his own failure and inadequacy. The whole episode of his decompensation, his hospitalization, and his subsequent severe depression, which had led him to the brink of suicide, was a fitting punishment for his wishes to hurt, abandon, and destroy his father—wishes that had in part been acted out in his leaving home and coming to a different y 唐觉得，导致他去医院的一系列事件中有某种自我毁灭的东西。他心里好像有什么东西在推动他朝着实现他父亲可怕的预言的方向前进。就好像他内心的某个部分想要彻底地证明，他确实是一个无助的、依赖的、不胜任的、脆弱的不能独立生活的小孩子。他的崩溃似乎是把他的失败投射到他父亲脸上的一种方式。这是他表达仇恨和愤怒的一种方式，这种仇恨和愤怒他已经感受了很久，但他从来不敢让自己表达出来。他永远无法表达出来，因为他觉得这会毁了他的父亲——杀死他。他痛苦地回忆起，当他住院后第一次见到姐姐时，她问他：“你怎么能这样对待你父亲?”他觉得攻击他的父亲只不过是证实和巩固了他自己的失败和不足。失代偿，住院治疗，以及后来严重的抑郁症，这一系列事件，把他逼到了自杀的边缘，这一切都是对他伤害、抛弃和摧毁父亲的愿望的适当惩罚——他通过离开家，来到一个不同的世界，部分地实现了他的愿望