The Process of Separation 分离的过程 The conflict between activity and passivity is central in this process. When the child's rage against the parental figure is aroused, this becomes a situation of danger for him. The murderous wrath raises the potentiality for destruction of the needed object upon which the child is so dependent. The parent is still the source of the gratification of the child's needs, the object of the child's dependence, and the source of loving care. Destruction of the object carries with it the implications of loss of love and abandonment. This conflict is particularly intense at the stage when the child begins to show signs of independence from the parents and may begin to undermine and deny the parent's own narcissism by its attempts to be self-assertive and independent. 在这个过程中，主动与被动之间的冲突是核心。当儿童对父母形象的愤怒被激起时，这对他来说是一种危险的情况。谋杀性愤怒使儿童如此依赖的所需客体产生了被破坏的可能性。父母仍然是满足孩子需要的源泉，是孩子依赖的客体，是爱护的源泉。客体的毁灭带有失爱和被抛弃的意味。在儿童开始表现出独立于父母的迹象时，这种冲突特别激烈，并可能因其试图自作主张和独立而开始破坏和否认父母的自恋。 The child's capacity to separate from the maternal narcissism depends to a considerable degree on the position of the father. If the father responds with excessive hostility to the child's attempts at independent self-expression, castration anxiety is unavoidably intensified, and the child is driven back into a closer dependence on the mother for protection and love. The child may opt for feminine passivity and may attempt to avoid or deny masculine aggression. This was clearly the case in the childhood experience of both Bob and Jim. As latency children both boys were relatively passive and unaggressive. But clearly Bob was the more passive and phobic, like the Wolf-Man in comparison to Little Hans, and this indeed would seem to serve as a harbinger of his future pathology. 儿童脱离母性自恋的能力在很大程度上取决于父亲的立场。如果父亲对孩子独立的自体表达的尝试作出过度敌意的反应，阉割焦虑就不可避免地加剧，孩子就会重新陷入对母亲保护和爱的更紧密的依赖。孩子可能会选择女性化的被动，可能会试图回避或否认男性的攻击性。在鲍勃和吉姆的童年经历中，显然就是这种情况。作为潜伏期的孩子，两个男孩都比较被动，没有攻击性。但很明显，与小汉斯相比，鲍勃更被动，更有恐惧症，就像狼人一样，这的确似乎可以作为他未来病态的预兆。 In the normal course of development, ambivalence is neither so intense nor so destructive that it interferes with the basic sense of relatedness to the mother and with the good enough quality of her mothering. From such a relationship the child internalizes a sufficiently good and integrated object that serves as the nucleus for his own emerging self-esteem. If this core of his personality is allowed to take root and grow, in later life, even when he meets with rejection and failure, he carries something within himself that gives him an inner sense of security and a sense of his own lovableness. This is substantially the good introject, at first a maternal introject, but later also embracing the elements introjected from the strength and the firmness of the father. If the mothering has been "good enough," and if the object relationship with the mother has been sufficiently good, the infant internalizes a resource which buffers and absorbs the impact of the inevitable frustration and lack of gratification that is involved in his relationship to the mother. 在正常的发展过程中，矛盾性既不那么强烈，也不那么具有破坏性，以至于影响到与母亲的基本关系感和母亲养育的足够好的质量。从这样的关系中，儿童内化出一个足够好的、整合的客体，作为他自己新兴的自尊的核心。如果让他的这个人格核心生根发芽，在以后的生活中，即使遇到拒绝和失败，他的内心也会带有某种东西，让他有一种内在的安全感和自己的可爱感。这实质上是好的内摄，起初是母性内摄，但后来也包含了从父亲的力量和坚定中内摄出来的元素。如果养育已经 "足够好"，如果与母亲的客体关系已经足够好，婴儿就会内化一种资源，这种资源可以缓冲和吸收他与母亲关系中不可避免的挫折和缺乏满足感的影响。 If the good internalized object, the maternal introject, is sufficiently stabilized it can resist the intense and frustrated rage that is unleashed by the injury to infantile narcissism. Just as in relationships between adults, frustration and anger do not necessarily wipe out and destroy the basic love one feels for another person. In fact aggression, hostility, and even destructiveness can be tolerated when there is sufficient quotient of persistent love in the relationship. Without the cushion of self-esteem which derives ultimately from the acquisition and elaboration of a good internal object, the individual remains vulnerable to failure, rejection, disappointment, or abandonment. He will be unable to tolerate anger, either in those around him or in himself. He will find it especially difficult to tolerate hostility from those whom he loves and upon whom he depends. 如果良好的内化客体——母性内摄物得到充分的稳定，它就能抵御因婴儿自恋受到伤害而释放出的强烈的、受挫的愤怒。就像在成年人之间的关系中，挫折和愤怒不一定会抹杀和破坏一个个体对另一个个体的基本的爱。事实上，当关系中存在足够的持续爱的份额时，攻击性、敌意、甚至破坏性都是可以容忍的。如果没有自尊心的缓冲，自尊心最终来源于一个良好的内在客体的获得和精化，那么个体仍然容易受到失败、拒绝、失望或被抛弃的影响。他将无法容忍愤怒，无论是在他周围的人还是在他自己身上。他将发现特别难以忍受来自他所爱的人和他所依赖的人的敌意。 Particularly difficult in these circumstances are any impulses toward independence of parental figures, so that the process of separation and individuation becomes precarious and problematic. In part the child will continue to seek out and yearn for that measure of love the mother was unable to give him, and in part he will be unable to express the natural self-assertive and aggressive drive that is necessary to enable him to separate himself from his mother. This results inevitably in a clinging to the mother which often has the appearance of devotion and loving affection to the mother, as it often did in the case of Jimmy for example; but in fact what underlies this behavior is a fundamental uncertainty of her affection for the child and of the child's affection for the mother. The child has equivalently been unable to internalize the mother's love and carry it with him into new relationships with other people in the broader spheres of the school and the outside world. 在这种情况下，特别困难的是任何独立于父母形象的冲动，因此分离和个体化的过程变得不稳定和有问题。部分情况下，儿童将继续寻找和渴望母亲无法给予他的那种程度的爱，部分情况下，他将无法表达自然的自体主张和攻击性的驱力，而这种驱力是使他与母亲分离所必需的。这就不可避免地导致了对母亲的依恋，这种依恋往往具有对母亲的虔诚和爱意的表征，例如吉米的情况就常常如此；但事实上，这种行为的背后是母亲对孩子的感情和孩子对母亲的感情的根本不确定。孩子也同样无法将母亲的爱内化，并带着这种爱在学校和外部世界的更大范围内与其他人建立新的关系。