Paternal Destructiveness 父亲的破坏性 Sadomasochism. While we have had ample evidence of the manifestations of maternal destructiveness and even murderousness in our case studies, we have also seen the expression of paternal destructiveness. The destructiveness of the father in the basic triadic relationship may function either in terms of the father's relationship with the mother, or may function more directly in terms of the father's relationship with the child. These father-mother relationships have a distinctly sadomasochistic quality. 施虐受虐狂。在我们的个案研究中，我们有充分的证据表明母亲的破坏性，甚至是谋杀性，我们也看到了父亲破坏性的表现。在基本三元关系中，父亲的破坏性可能在父亲与母亲的关系中起作用，也可能在父亲与孩子的关系中起更直接的作用。这些父亲-母亲的关系具有明显的施虐受虐特征。 The intensity of the sadomasochism is more marked in the more severe forms of paranoid pathology. But the influence of paternal destructiveness is most marked in the relationship between fathers and their paranoid sons. Inevitably the relationship is one of distance and coldness and remoteness. These fathers generally reject their sons in whom they see a reflection of the weak, inadequate, and dependent aspect of themselves with regard to which they feel shame and revulsion. 施虐受虐的强烈程度在偏执病理学的更严重形式中表现得更为明显。但父亲破坏性的影响在父亲和偏执儿子之间的关系中最为明显。这种关系必然是一种距离、冷漠和遥远的关系。这些父亲通常会排斥他们的儿子，因为他们看到儿子反映了他们自己软弱、不胜任和依赖的一面，并为此感到羞耻和厌恶。 It seems quite likely that the dynamics in this destructive pattern of father-child interaction are quite similar to those described in the case of mother-child interactions. These sons present themselves to the father as having failed to measure up to the masculine ideal of strength and aggression which operates in the father as a defense against his own inner sense of weakness and inadequacy. Thus the son becomes the bearer of the repressed and reviled part of the father's own self and consequently becomes the focus for a narcissistic affront to the father's sense of masculine pride. Conversely, for these male children, to violate the projected image derived from the father is to run the risk of aggressive confrontation and competitive struggle with the father. The risk is twofold—either defeat and shameful humiliation at the hands of the father or victory and murderous destruction of the father. 父-子互动的破坏性模式的动力学，看起来可能非常类似我们在母-子互动中描述的那些。这些儿子在父亲面前表现得没有达到男性理想的力量和攻击性，而这种理想在父亲身上起作用，作为对自己内在的软弱和不足感的防御。这样，儿子就成为了父亲自我中被压抑和辱骂的那一部分的承载者，并因此成为了对父亲的男性自豪感的自恋侮辱的焦点。相反，对于这些男性孩子来说，违背来自父亲的投射形象，就会冒着与父亲发生攻击性对抗和竞争的风险。风险是双重的——要么在父亲的手中失败并羞愧耻辱，要么取得对父亲的胜利和谋杀性破坏。 Thus children become the victims of parental fantasies and wishes and needs which dictate the pattern and course of their developmental experience. Parental fantasies, largely unconsciously derived, provide the matrix within which the belief systems around which the family is organized are generated. It is in terms of this mythology that the basic techniques of resolving ambivalence, perceiving reality, and understanding the world of objects and relationships around the child must be achieved. The fantasies are derived from both parents, the maternal fantasies having an earlier and more direct influence than paternal ones, but both come to exercise a powerful influence in highly specific and complex ways. 因此，儿童成为父母的幻想、愿望和需要的受害者，这些幻想、愿望和需要决定了他们发展经历的模式和过程。父母的幻想很大程度上是无意识地产生的，它提供了一个环境，在其中，家庭组织围绕其才得以形成的信仰体系产生了。解决矛盾心理、感知现实、理解客体世界和儿童周围关系的基本技巧必须在这种神话中被实现。幻想来自父母双方，母亲的幻想比父亲的有更早、更直接的影响，但两者都以高度具体和复杂的方式发挥强大的影响。 Unresolved Ambivalence. Such fantasies can be either life-sustaining and promoting or destructive. The child's earliest growth to psychological life is dependent on and promoted by the symbiotic matrix within which the mother can see the child as a good part of herself which is fed and loved. The extent to which the baby is seen as associated with mother's own sense of herself as bad and destructive, contributes to the degree of basic ambivalence embedded in the symbiotic relationship. The mother's narcissistic fantasy of symbiotic union serves to defend against such hostile and destructive wishes and may emerge into a pattern of oversolicitousness and overprotection. But the underlying destructiveness carries through the reactive defense so that the burden of the mother's love and care is the frustration of the child's own need for self-assertion and initiative. 未解决的矛盾心理。这样的幻想可能是维持生命和促进生命，也可能是毁灭性的。孩子最早的心理成长依赖于共生环境，并被共生环境促进，在这种共生环境中，母亲可以把孩子看作自己好的一部分，得到喂养和爱。婴儿被视为坏的、具有破坏性的母亲的自我意识的程度，助长了嵌在共生关系中的基本矛盾心理的程度。母亲对共生联合体的自恋幻想有助于抵御这种敌对和破坏性的愿望，并可能出现一种过度关心和过度保护的模式。但潜在的破坏性通过反应性的防御进行，因此，母亲的爱和关怀的负担是孩子自己对自我主张和主动性的需求的挫折。 The effect of such intense and unneutralized aggression within the symbiotic context can be seen relatively clearly in the effect of severely disturbed mothers—either psychotic or borderline—on their children. Such women are angrier, needier, more depressed, and less able to acknowledge their children as separate individuals, and consequently less able to respond to their developmental needs. The intensely symbiotic union with the child serves to defend against the intense hostility which is projected into the relationship from the mother's relationship with her own mother. As soon as the child begins to separate from these symbiotic ties, the mother experiences anxiety and distress and struggles to frustrate the child's separative impulse and to maintain the symbiotic ties. Where the intensity of the ambivalence is overriding, the mother will see the child as a rejecting and persecuting object. 在共生的背景下，这种强烈而未中和的攻击行为的影响可以在严重精神错乱的母亲——不管是精神病水平还是边缘水平——对孩子的影响中相对清晰地看到。这样的妇女更愤怒，更需要，更抑郁，更不能够承认他们的孩子是独立的个体，因此更不能够回应他们的发展需要。和孩子的强烈的共生联合体是为了抵御强烈的敌意，这种敌意从母亲和她自己的母亲的关系中投射到母亲和孩子的关系中。一旦孩子开始从这些共生关系中分离出来，母亲就会感到焦虑和痛苦，并努力挫败孩子的分离冲动，以维持这种共生关系。当矛盾心理的强度压倒一切时，母亲就会把孩子看作是拒绝和迫害的客体。 The child thus becomes the object of negative destructive fantasies and is readily subjected to abuse and murderousness on the part of the mother, since she is unable to separate the child as an individuated entity from her own negative and destructive fantasies and projections. Thus Newman and San Martino (1971, 1973) report the experience of six-year-old Stefanie in her relationship with a guilt-ridden and somewhat depressed borderline mother. Stefanie was afraid of being destroyed by her mother, a response to mother's own fantasy of herself as poisonous and destructive. The child not only reacts to the mother's fantasy, but identifies with its destructive potential, and consequently becomes a child whose own aggression is highly charged and difficult to contain and who feels herself to be a destructive and poisonous agent. Thus the capacity for projection that can be mobilized by a relatively compensated borderline mother may operate to protect the mother from the destructiveness of her own aggression, but it functions at the expense of the child. Thus the mother's own paranoia induces a paranoid response and a paranoid organization within the child's own inner world. 这样，孩子就成为了负面破坏性幻想的客体，并且很容易受到母亲的虐待和谋杀，因为她无法将孩子作为一个个体从她自己的负面破坏性幻想和投射中分离出来。纽曼和圣马蒂诺(1971年和1973年)报道了六岁的Stefanie与一个充满内疚和有点抑郁的边缘母亲之间的关系。Stefanie害怕被母亲毁灭，这是对母亲幻想自己[“自己”指孩子]是有毒的、具有破坏性的一种回应。孩子不仅对母亲的幻想做出反应，而且认同其潜在的破坏性，因此成为一个攻击性很强、难以控制、觉得自己是一个具有破坏性和毒性的因素的孩子。因此，一个相对补偿的边缘母亲所能调动的投射能力可能会起到保护母亲免受自身攻击性的破坏性的作用，但它的作用是以牺牲孩子为代价的。因此，母亲自己的偏执在孩子自己的内心世界中诱发了偏执反应和偏执组织。 Basic to this whole consideration, however, is the realization that ambivalence and hate are normal components of every parent-child relationship and interaction. The essential question, which will determine the developmental outcome for the child, is first of all the extent to which the parent can tolerate such aggression in himself or herself and not find it necessary to allow his own internal destructiveness to issue into forms of defensiveness—particularly the forms of projection we have been discussing here, which work their evil potential upon the developmental experience of the child. As Winnicott puts it: 然而，这整个考虑的基础是认识到矛盾心理和仇恨是每一种亲子关系和互动的正常组成部分。决定孩子的发展结果的至关重要的问题,首先是双亲在多大程度可以容忍自己身上这样的攻击，而不让他自己内部的破坏性产生某种形式的防御性——特别是以我们这里正在讨论的投射的形式，这些防御形式对孩子的发展经历有潜在的邪恶影响。正如温尼科特所言: A mother has to be able to tolerate hating her baby without doing anything about it. She cannot express it to him. If, for fear of what she may do, she cannot hate appropriately when hurt by her child, she must fall back on masochism, and I think that it is this that gives rise to the false theory of a natural masochism in women. The most remarkable thing about a mother is her ability to be hurt so much by her baby and to hate so much, without paying the child out, and her ability to wait for rewards that may or may not come at a later date (1958, p. 202). 一个母亲必须能够忍受对她的孩子的憎恨而不采取任何行动。她不能向他表达这一点。如果，因为害怕她可能做的事情，当被她的孩子伤害时，她不能恰当地憎恨，她就必须求退却至受虐狂，而我认为这导致了关于女性自然受虐狂的错误理论的产生。关于一个母亲，最值得注意的事情是她有能力被她的孩子伤害如此之多，并憎恨孩子如此之多，而不报复孩子，以及她有能力等待可能会，也可能不会在以后到来的回报(1958年，第202页)。 The good parent must not only be able to tolerate and sustain his own hatred and destructiveness, and the anxiety which it creates within him, but must be able to absorb and respond constructively with toleration and consideration for the aggression of the child, particularly that aggression and hatred which must be expressed in forms of separation from the sustaining dependence on the parental figures. Thus the process of separation-individuation, far from being a developmental experience isolated within the child, must become also a developmental experience within the parent. It is a process by which both of them surrender infantile needs and dependencies and come to function in more adaptive and mature ways. And as we shall see further, it is a process by which both of them are enabled to formulate a more mature and functional sense of self which sustains a growing and more integrated sense of personal autonomy and adaptive capacity. 好的父母不仅要能够容忍和承受自己的仇恨和破坏性，以及这些东西在他体内创造的焦虑，而且必须能够带着宽容和体谅，吸收和建设性地回应孩子的攻击，尤其是那些必须以 从持续依赖的父母形象分离 的形式表达的攻击和仇恨。因此，分离-个体化的过程，远远不是在孩子内部孤立的发展经验，也必须成为在父母内部的发展经验。这是一个过程，在这个过程中，他们都放弃了婴儿式的需要和依赖，以更适应和成熟的方式发挥作用。我们将进一步看到，这是一个过程，通过这个过程，两者都能够形成一种更成熟和更有功能的自体意识，这种自体意识维持着一种成长中的和更整合的对个人自主权和适应能力的感觉。