Separation and Mourning 分离和哀悼 The process of separation-individuation thus involves a continual dialectic between impending object-loss and the gains in object-relatedness to an increasingly individuated love object. At each stage of the progression, the mother must be prepared to sustain the mourning involved in the loss of a particular quality of closeness of the child's dependence within the relationship, and be ready to adapt to the requirements of a new phase of object relatedness in which the child assumes an increasing independence and separateness and his progressive individuation create a pressure on the mother's capacity to passively sustain loss and tolerate the depressive dimension of the loss, and correlatively to actively adapt to and master the requirements of a new quality of relationship. 因此，分离-个体化的过程包含了一种持续的辩证关系，即迫近的客体丧失 与 对一个日益个体化的爱的客体的 客体相关性 的获得之间的辩证关系。在发展的每个阶段，母亲都必须做好准备，以经受因失去孩子在关系中对自己的依赖所带来的亲密而引发的哀痛，并准备适应客体相关性新阶段的要求，在这个新阶段中，孩子越来越独立，越来越分离，而他逐渐的个体化给母亲被动地经受丧失并容忍丧失带来的抑郁感，以及积极适应和掌握新关系需求的能力造成压力。 The capacity of any given mother to work through this process may not be homogeneous, but may differ qualitatively from stage to stage of the interaction process. Some mothers function best in the symbiotic phases and find increasing difficulty as the child strives toward greater and greater autonomy and separateness. Others, however, may find the total dependence of the symbiotic child difficult and perplexing, and find themselves increasingly comfortable in dealing with the child as he becomes more differentiated and more capable of signaling his needs and desires with explicit cues. 任何给定的母亲在这个过程中工作的能力可能不是同质的，但在互动过程的各个阶段可能会有质的不同。有些母亲在共生阶段表现得最好，但当孩子努力争取越来越大的自主权和分离时，她们发现困难越来越大。然而，另一些人可能会发现共生孩子的完全依赖是困难和令人困惑的，他们会发现当孩子变得更加分化，更有能力通过明确的提示来表达自己的需求和欲望时，她们会越来越适应与孩子打交道。 Thus the mother must experience over and over again in the process of separation-individuation the conflicting tensions of loss of ties to the object as opposed to gains in object relationship with the individuating child (Mahler et al., 1970). Such difficulties, however, may reflect the developmental vicissitudes experienced in the parents' own course of development. Parents who have experienced a traumatic symbiotic phase in their own development are relatively unable to relate to a child who has achieved a measure of autonomy and separateness. As Giovacchini (1970) has noted, the histories of parents who have had difficulties in resolving symbiotic attachments with their own children feel intensely inadequate when trying to respond to the more individualistic needs and demands of their children. Such parents seem to 因此，在分离-个体化的过程中，母亲必须一次又一次地经历 与客体失去联系，而与个体化的孩子取得客体关系的 冲突张力(Mahler et al., 1970)。然而，这些困难可能反映了父母在自身发展过程中所经历的发展变迁。在自身发展过程中经历了创伤性共生阶段的父母，相对而言无法与一个已经获得一定程度的自主性和分离性的孩子相处。正如Giovacchini(1970)所指出的，那些在解决与自己孩子的共生依恋上有困难的父母，在试图回应孩子更个体化的需要和要求时，会感到非常不胜任。这样的父母似乎 encompass their children as narcissistic extensions that are part of their amorphous selves. To see their children as individuals in their own right is a massive threat because they lack the differentiated ego mechanisms required to adapt to a complex and sensitive person. Even though the overt technique involved in taking care of a neonate and a somewhat older child may not be radically different, the interpersonal qualities of the latter relationship require considerable flexibility and maturity. Parenthood is traumatic because these patients lack the synthesis and differentiation to relate to a distinct external object (1970, p. 534). 把他们的孩子视为自恋的延伸，这是他们无形自体的一部分。把他们的孩子视为独立的个体是一种巨大的威胁，因为他们缺乏适应一个复杂而敏感的人所需要的分化的自我机制。尽管照顾新生儿和稍大一些的孩子所涉及的显性技巧可能没有根本的不同，但后者的人际关系需要相当大的灵活性和成熟。父母是创伤性的，因为这些患者缺乏综合和分化，来与一个完全分开的外部客体相关(1970, p. 534)。